By: News

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What A Fun Witch Hunt Reenactment Congress Did With Planned Parenthood’s Cecile Richards Yesterday!

Hello history buffs! The summer is officially over and the long lazy days of Civil War reenactments and petticoat swamp ass are coming to an end. We only have a few more weeks of Renaissance Fairs. But don ‘t hang up your faerie crowns just yet, because while usually we ‘d be facing the end of historical reenactment season, we ‘re lucky enough to have a brand new reenactment performance unfolding in front of us.

That ‘s right! If you tuned into the five hour congressional hearing yesterday where Planned Parenthood CEO Cecile Richardson wad grilled by conservative congressmen, you got to witness a true to life witch hunt! Spooky!

Court sketch of Cecile Richards at the stand.

The politicians must ‘ve not had time to find Puritan costumes which would have made the performance more fun, but man did they really dive into their characters. That pretty much made up for the lack of stockings and breeches. Did you see the way Jim Jordan interrupted Cecile Richards 19 times in five minutes, trying to trip her up and trick her into admitting the practices in those videos were happening under her direction and weren ‘t fake? I honestly felt for a moment watching the hearing that I was transported back to Salem in 1692 and we were gearing up to burn Richards at the stake! It was such a thrill!

When Rep. Jason Chaffet showed Richards wildly misleading graphs and said that she, herself, had provided the data that made them, boy oh boy did I think she was just going to break down, admit to boiling children in cauldrons and we ‘d get to throw her in a lake to see if she would sink. Did you know in the Salem witch trials they would take urine from the afflicted victim, bake it into a cake, feed that cake to a dog, and then wait for the dog to speak the name of the witch that put the victim under a spell? So cool. It would ‘ve been great for Chaffet eat piss cake and just start yelling Cecile Richard ‘s name! Maybe at the next reenactment.

It was very accurate and creepy how the congressmen continually brought up superfluous details and comments, like how much money Cecile Richard makes as CEO and that just because she is a woman she won ‘t be treated any differently. You really got the sense that they disrespected her and no matter how the trial went, they were going to burn her at the stake either way! I love that they remained so true to history that way. Once I was watching a Revolutionary War reenactment and saw one of the redcoats pull out his phone to text. It really took me out of the moment.

But yesterday was great and if you didn ‘t get a chance to see it, from the tension in the room, I ‘d be surprised if they don ‘t do more of ’em! So don ‘t sweat it! Watching those witch trials really give you a sense of how fucked up the actual witch trials were in the past and how lucky we are to live in a modern society where women taking care of their bodies isn ‘t seen as grounds for suspicious activity!

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