The Pros And Cons Of The New “Yelp For People”

It ‘s happened. There ‘s finally a Yelp for people. It ‘s called ‘Peeple,” and it allows users to rate human beings as if they were a business. Promising but also cause for concern. Let ‘s weigh the benefits.

PROS

• Taylor Swift ‘s crew will finally know where they stand in the hierarchy.
• It ‘ll be fun to know everyone ‘s dick sizes.
• New, modern way to let America ‘s stepdads know we hate them.
• We can finally find out if Lena Dunham is problematic or not.
• A Peeple rating higher than 7.5 allows you to skip security lines at the airport.
• If you ‘re undecided about suicide, this could help clear that up for you.
• Maybe you ‘ll be able to put a cool song on your profile, we dunno.
• You don ‘t care who knows that you treat your Mom like shit, she fucking deserves it.

CONS

• They don ‘t make a number high enough to accurately rate Beyonc ‘.
• If anyone ‘s got weird nipples, that shit ‘s gonna get out real fast.
• The possibility of me being rated before I ‘ve had my morning coffee!
• All the food service cashiers who you ‘ve accidentally said ‘you too!” to after they ‘ve said ‘enjoy your meal” will leave poor ratings.
• Acne, while out of your control, will probably not be judged favorably.
• You will have no choice but to rate your children one day.
• Your aunt has 90% of the positive comments on your profile and not one of them contains a comma or period.
• The family of the guy you may have killed won ‘t leave it alone.
• You find out the hard way that your tattoo of California looks a lot like an old man ‘s dick.