By: Jason Flowers
This week ‘s best tweets are a real blast from the past.
Sorry I animorphed at your quincea ‘era and made it about me.
‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 4, 2015
More chung got wanged in 1986 than at any other period in our nation's history.
‘ Mr. Anthropy (@Zwolf666) October 8, 2015
Tombstone of two of the best breakdancers pic.twitter.com/i1riSYFsOo
‘ Mike Glazer (@glazerboohoohoo) September 25, 2014
“I can't stand Derain.” – Missy Elliot on early 20th century French art
‘ joe mande (@JoeMande) October 5, 2015
The Nobel Prize in chemistry goes to… Pam & Jim from “The Office”? What the
‘ Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) October 7, 2015
want to feel old? this is what Dinosaurs' Baby Sinclair looks like in 2015 pic.twitter.com/ox6yvGCEW3
‘ Gregory Possum-Liker (@cat_beltane) October 10, 2015
[Batman at McDonald's]
What's your chicken sandwich called?
And the rib?
[pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.
‘ The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 1, 2015
Internalized sexism: All these years, I've just assumed Dr. Pepper was a man.
‘ Kristin (@FeralCrone) October 7, 2015
“Dasani” is Nigerian for “lol u bought tap water.”
‘ Trevor S (@trevso_electric) July 18, 2015
Kix Cereal: Kid tested, Mother approved, Father is dead.
‘ Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) October 8, 2015
Netflix is raising its price by a dollar? Time to change my plans to “YouTube and chill.”
‘ Matt Nedostup (@nedostup) October 9, 2015
JASON: Oh good, this saves me some time. pic.twitter.com/STHQ2zE1Tv
‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) October 4, 2015
Oh you're a basketball fan? Name 3 basketballs.
‘ Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) June 10, 2015
I wish you could mark conversations as unsaid.
‘ Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 5, 2015
the hippothalmus is the part of the brain that controls how hungry hungry you get
‘ Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) April 9, 2015
Trying to get my parents to move to LA so I can move in with them
‘ AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) October 4, 2015
People say I overthink things, but I could give you like 50 reasons why each of them are wrong
‘ JP Lovecraft (@online_shawn) October 5, 2015
okay, so you're definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?
‘ Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) October 9, 2015
“I just tried to make reservations at the library”
You don't need a res-
“Couldn't get one though”
Don't do this
“They were fully booked”
‘ dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 4, 2015
When you click on a trending topic pic.twitter.com/v38GeSmEuE
‘ Jocelyn Plums (@ColoradoUgly) October 9, 2015
Steve Jobs is in theaters this weekend. But I'm waiting for the Steve JobsS.
‘ Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) October 9, 2015
JUDGE: your word is “bananas”
GWEN STEFANI: oh hell yes
‘ emma (@emmagarton) September 20, 2015
Nice try, poison. pic.twitter.com/jrVbRZt8PC
‘ Mxrk (@mxrk) October 8, 2015
If we go under 50 Peter Pan adaptations per year, the bus will explode.
‘ Chris Schleicher (@cschleichsrun) October 9, 2015
just said “squad” out loud as I passed a pile of garbage on the street
‘ Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) October 8, 2015
*billy corgan voice* the world is a van pile pic.twitter.com/G4UhYGCqIC
‘ 1989 Aerostars $300 (@Aerostars4Sale) October 9, 2015
Getty Images should change its name to Getty Words And Pictures so we can call it Getty WAP
‘ Alex Blagg (@alexblagg) October 9, 2015
Check out all 7 episodes of the sh*tshow at http://www.hamburgerhummus.com In the beginning, six Americans arrive at a blogging conference in Israel and find out it ‘s a hell of a lot cooler than they thought it would be. —– ‘Hamburger Hummus ‘, a new sh*tshow about American bloggers discovering that Israel ‘s kind of awesome-er than they expected. Watch now.
Ever since Michael Ian Black’s girlfriend dumped him, he’s been in the market for a new pair of pants. Tune-in to Comedy Central ‘s “Michael & Michael Have Issues ‘ Wednesday nights at 10:30pm.
Watch THE MALEBOX right here, right now. When gender goes postal ‘ ‘ A comedy short starring Andy Dick, Nick Major and Meg Dick. ____________ Written|Directed|Edited by: Nick Major Filmed by: Hayssam Bazzi Audio: Connor Jesse
After hearing the first half of a tweet about a bizarre Uber driver, Grace Helbig, Hari Kondabolu and Doug Benson must fill in the blank. The Comedy Central app has full episodes of your favorite shows available now. http://on.cc.com/1e85GN8