Daily Cheney #8068: When One Door Closes

There are three things true men have always loved: excessive drinking, excessive noogies, and candles. Well, buck up, boy-o’s, because the rustic pioneers at Yankee Candle have heard our testosterone-drenched man-wails and are finally offering Man Candles, which, yup, are candles targeted toward men. This means hairy fellers everywhere ‘ except in the south, damn Yankees! ‘ can stop buying frou-frou candles and dripping bacon fat, broken glass, and charred tax forms into them in an attempt to make them far more masculine. If you’re skeptical about how it all works, we snatched some up and let them blaze while we were tending to our man gardens.