By: Mike Huckabee

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What I ‘m Trying To Say Is All Koreans Eat Dogs

Mike Huckabee

Oh, hey. Didn ‘t see you there as I was thumping my bass in my garage, really riding the bottom. Is that a euphemism for my feelings on gay marriage, which is the scourge of the Earth? Nope. Not in the least bit. You see, when I ‘ve got a point to make, I don ‘t beat around the bush. When God whispers in my ear to make that point, you ‘re damn right I make it.

Take last night when I tweeted this:

Got loads of RTs, which is pretty sweet

I bet your reaction was along the lines of, ‘Well there ‘s no way any sane politician could have tweeted that, never mind a prominent presidential candidate. Someone in that position should know that ‘s a terrible thing to say in a public forum. I bet he ‘s got an explanation.”

No. I don ‘t operate that way. I ‘m a big boy who says big boy things, so I said what I meant and I meant what I said. And that was that all Koreans eat doggies. That ‘s a fact. You show me one Korean that doesn ‘t eat a dog and I ‘ll show you a gay man who ‘s going to Heaven.

Jeez, you need that one explained? Fine. What I ‘m saying is that gay men don ‘t go to Heaven. Only straight men and a few lucky women (who ‘ve only had sex to procreate, of course), get to experience a second life with our friend, the Lord. Hold on, I have to tweet that Heaven zinger before I forget my wording. The Huckheads will eat that up. Much like a Korean at an all-labrador buffet.

I really don ‘t feel the need to clarify this anymore. You know what kills a great joke? Explaining and dissecting it. Famous white, Christian male Mark Twain once wrote: ‘Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.” In this case, my joke was the one about Koreans eating dogs and me having to expound on that, specifically that Koreans eat dogs and are inferior human beings because of it, will effectively kill that joke.

And don ‘t you dare bring up the fact my youngest, David (my favorite big boy), has been accused of hanging a dog and killing it. He was simply trying to get information out it, the American way. He wasn ‘t some Korean sicko treating the world like a vending machine.

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