By: Funny Or Die
Moms: Everybody has, at some point, had at least one. Here are some tweets about that.
The transition to adulthood would be easier if it remained acceptable to cry at places until your mom picked you up
‘ the hippo account (@InternetHippo) October 17, 2015
A little about me: my favorite song is happy birthday and my favorite band is just my mom singing it.
‘ Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) November 7, 2014
I would definitely describe my mom as “straight-acting.”
‘ Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) October 18, 2015
Missed opportunity, career day, 2002: not introducing my mom as a professional hater
‘ shakira (@jodecicry) September 6, 2015
Me: Good talking to you Mom.
Mom. “Good talking to you?” That's a little casual.
‘ Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) October 9, 2015
Lol my mom has fought with so many of her friends that this picture is just of her w/ a bunch of no headed ladies pic.twitter.com/i1AlH3Troz
‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 26, 2014
*remembering how my mom gave me a pb&j on a hotdog bun once* Me: what is the cheapest room in this retirement home?
‘ Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) October 20, 2015
There are two types of moms on TV: overbearing moms who tuck their daughter's hair behind her ear without asking, and dead ones.
‘ Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) February 3, 2015
My mom be putting ordinary shit into other shit. We don't need this for listerine. I feel like I'm in Harry Potter pic.twitter.com/DaqIPSguwC
‘ D (@DrakoTsunami) August 15, 2015
my mom always wants to hang out with me but it's like she's forgetting we spent 9 straight months together 25 years ago.
‘ Zo ‘ Klar (@zoeklar) September 25, 2015
Rappers can be pretty hard, but they are the only kind of artists who 100% without exception all make work about their moms.
‘ Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) October 10, 2015
im only here for my day 1's my squad is just my mom
‘ Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@AyeshaASiddiqi) October 15, 2015
It's pretty hard to hurt my feelings considering this is my mom pic.twitter.com/33iMbcBXkM
‘ Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 31, 2015
my mom once complimented how nice my hands looked in gloves and that was enough
‘ Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) October 9, 2015
The dudes at work are discussing football and I'd rather listen to my mom talk about people she knows who look like other people she knows.
‘ Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 29, 2015
this text from my mom never gets old pic.twitter.com/eIwBkAG3kY
‘ I hope Stephen Sondheim is having a good day (@GraceSpelman) April 26, 2015
When a 5 Guys Burgers opened in my hometown, all my mom texted me was “2 guys is coming.” I was terrified. #momquotes
‘ Dan Klein (@danklein_is_fat) May 9, 2013
‘ Eric Stratton (@KEVINtySixers) May 10, 2015
My mom said I was a catfish, when I was born I looked cuter on the ultrasound and when I got here she was like wtf thats not u in the pic?
‘ Abe ? (@asvpxabe) October 18, 2015
*pulls down pants while facetiming with mom to show her a bug bite* mom: do u think u gained weight recently
‘ Esther Povitsky (@littleesther) October 15, 2015
i call my mom every morning just so we can catch up on how David Sedaris is doing
‘ Blythe Roberson (@blythelikehappy) September 25, 2015
this guys profile says “my mom runs my tinder” and at first I thought it was a joke but now I’m not sure pic.twitter.com/UAVxAufSXQ
‘ allison stone (@wutangcher) August 7, 2014
*son walks in as mom hides her urban dictionary word-of-the-day calendar*
Mom: How was school?
Mom: Had a real trill lunch with Nona
‘ ceeks (@70Ceeks) December 6, 2014
my mom just texted me ‘throwback thursday” on a sunday. with nothing else added.
‘ pilot! (@pilotbacon) October 18, 2015
My mom should write me a check for how much her dislike of taking photos of me when I was a kid is now costing me in social media capital.
‘ Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) August 21, 2015
Got a text from my mom saying to check my email. The email said she left a voice mail. Her voice mail said she was gonna call later.
‘ Jhorts (@JhonRules) October 20, 2015
In honor of Mother's Day here's my favorite text my mom has ever sent me pic.twitter.com/WSmcUEDpSl
‘ Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) May 11, 2014
The most sexually awkward parent-teacher conference ever. Starring Katie O’Brien and Trevor Luce. Only one episode of many from Teachers Web Series. To learn more about the teachers, visit http://www.teacherswebseries.com.
Four brave Funny Or Die Team Members watch Spankwire, a graphic, disturbing video, everyone else watches them watch Spankwire. DISCLAIMER: We do not recommend you watch the original Spankwire video.