The 100% Incomplete List Of Tweets About Moms

The transition to adulthood would be easier if it remained acceptable to cry at places until your mom picked you up

‘ the hippo account (@InternetHippo) October 17, 2015

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A little about me: my favorite song is happy birthday and my favorite band is just my mom singing it.

‘ Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) November 7, 2014

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I would definitely describe my mom as “straight-acting.”

‘ Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) October 18, 2015

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Missed opportunity, career day, 2002: not introducing my mom as a professional hater

‘ shakira (@jodecicry) September 6, 2015

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Me: Good talking to you Mom.
Mom. “Good talking to you?” That's a little casual.

‘ Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) October 9, 2015

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Lol my mom has fought with so many of her friends that this picture is just of her w/ a bunch of no headed ladies pic.twitter.com/i1AlH3Troz

‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 26, 2014

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*remembering how my mom gave me a pb&j on a hotdog bun once* Me: what is the cheapest room in this retirement home?

‘ Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) October 20, 2015

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There are two types of moms on TV: overbearing moms who tuck their daughter's hair behind her ear without asking, and dead ones.

‘ Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) February 3, 2015

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My mom be putting ordinary shit into other shit. We don't need this for listerine. I feel like I'm in Harry Potter pic.twitter.com/DaqIPSguwC

‘ D (@DrakoTsunami) August 15, 2015

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my mom always wants to hang out with me but it's like she's forgetting we spent 9 straight months together 25 years ago.

‘ Zo ‘ Klar (@zoeklar) September 25, 2015

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Rappers can be pretty hard, but they are the only kind of artists who 100% without exception all make work about their moms.

‘ Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) October 10, 2015

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im only here for my day 1's my squad is just my mom

‘ Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@AyeshaASiddiqi) October 15, 2015

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It's pretty hard to hurt my feelings considering this is my mom pic.twitter.com/33iMbcBXkM

‘ Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 31, 2015

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my mom once complimented how nice my hands looked in gloves and that was enough

‘ Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) October 9, 2015

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The dudes at work are discussing football and I'd rather listen to my mom talk about people she knows who look like other people she knows.

‘ Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 29, 2015

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this text from my mom never gets old pic.twitter.com/eIwBkAG3kY

‘ I hope Stephen Sondheim is having a good day (@GraceSpelman) April 26, 2015

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When a 5 Guys Burgers opened in my hometown, all my mom texted me was “2 guys is coming.” I was terrified. #momquotes

‘ Dan Klein (@danklein_is_fat) May 9, 2013

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Changed “I love you” in my moms phone to “Steve Harvey is the best host of Family Feud” #HappyMothersDay pic.twitter.com/NrFy9bbBqH

‘ Eric Stratton (@KEVINtySixers) May 10, 2015

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My mom said I was a catfish, when I was born I looked cuter on the ultrasound and when I got here she was like wtf thats not u in the pic?

‘ Abe ? (@asvpxabe) October 18, 2015

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*pulls down pants while facetiming with mom to show her a bug bite* mom: do u think u gained weight recently

‘ Esther Povitsky (@littleesther) October 15, 2015

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i call my mom every morning just so we can catch up on how David Sedaris is doing

‘ Blythe Roberson (@blythelikehappy) September 25, 2015

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this guys profile says “my mom runs my tinder” and at first I thought it was a joke but now I’m not sure pic.twitter.com/UAVxAufSXQ

‘ allison stone (@wutangcher) August 7, 2014

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*son walks in as mom hides her urban dictionary word-of-the-day calendar*
Mom: How was school?
Son: ok
Mom: Had a real trill lunch with Nona

‘ ceeks (@70Ceeks) December 6, 2014

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pic.twitter.com/RYCIKtmnr0

‘ boo0o0o0o0 lamayo (@a_LaMayo) September 30, 2015

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my mom just texted me ‘throwback thursday” on a sunday. with nothing else added.

‘ pilot! (@pilotbacon) October 18, 2015

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My mom should write me a check for how much her dislike of taking photos of me when I was a kid is now costing me in social media capital.

‘ Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) August 21, 2015

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Got a text from my mom saying to check my email. The email said she left a voice mail. Her voice mail said she was gonna call later.

‘ Jhorts (@JhonRules) October 20, 2015

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In honor of Mother's Day here's my favorite text my mom has ever sent me pic.twitter.com/WSmcUEDpSl

‘ Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) May 11, 2014