By: Funny Or Die
26 Hot Thanksgiving Tweets We’re Grateful For This Year
You ‘re gonna want to save room for these jokes.
Alex Trebek: This flightless bird is traditionally eaten on Thanksgiving
Vegan: What is an 'I am vegan'‘ jonathan (@senderblock23) November 20, 2015
Thanksgiving is by far the best Holiday we have that centers around breadcrumbs in a dead turkey ‘s asshole.
‘ Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) November 22, 2015
My wife cooks the Thanksgiving meal, but I'm the one who fucks the turkey. My small business is booming. pic.twitter.com/JAtGtSs6xL
‘ Alyssa Stonoha (@astonoha) November 22, 2015
Best part about this week is that when I ask my coworkers “so, you gonna eat a lot of turkey this Thursday?” it finally doesn't sound weird.
‘ Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) November 24, 2015
Don't forget to watch me on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade where I'll be singing NWA's Fuck the Police on the Powerpuff Girls float!
‘ billy eichner (@billyeichner) November 26, 2013
MY MOM, OVER THANKSGIVING: so are you seeing anyone?
ME: I'm trying the dating app thing, so maybe soon? pic.twitter.com/5bYpQUXOEL
‘ Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) November 18, 2015
My sister and I always kept our parents in check on Thanksgiving just by wearing our brightly-colored Menendez brothers sweaters.
‘ Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 26, 2013
Your mom called. She's uninviting you to thanksgiving dinner cause she saw you 'liked' Atheism on Facebook
‘ NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) November 20, 2014
Making it a goth Thanksgiving by stuffing the bird with the ashes of poems that my stepdad doesn't understand
‘ Elon Musky Lozenge ‘ (@LostCatDog) November 24, 2015
Pretty sure you can see me practicing my “not all Muslims are bad” Thanksgiving talking points in the bg of a student film in Wash Sq Park.
‘ Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) November 17, 2015
[family member does something slightly unusual at thanksgiving dinner] Haha my family is crazy. Unlike me, the guy who compulsively tweets
‘ Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) November 28, 2014
Me this thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/pMzoobUz3Z
‘ Lumpy Space Princess (@LumpySPrincess) November 17, 2014
Thanksgiving is my #1 favorite holiday because it focuses on what's most important to me… gravy.
‘ eric (@ericsshadow) November 23, 2015
Turkey?
Of course.
Stuffing?
Bring it on.
Pie?
Duh.
Bowl of salt?
Let's do this.
A thing I found?
Let's eat.
Two rocks?
Can't wait.
Dirt?‘ Aaron Burdette (@AaronBurdette) November 28, 2014
*builds time machine*
*travels back to first Thanksgiving*
*slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand*
You're not making this a thing‘ Becky Isotobe (@BuckyIsotope) November 27, 2014
TOP 10 OVERLOOKED THANKSGIVING DISHES:
yamps
clanberry sots
dumstick
grady
budder ro
pimpkin slice
cardigan hug sniff‘ Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) November 27, 2014
[walks into family Thanksgiving with two mistresses]
“I thought you told me to bring my favorite sides”
*gets a high-five from Uncle Duke*‘ Online Participant (@SortaBad) November 26, 2014
a cool recipe to try: take leftovers like scalloped potatoes or stuffing and put it in your waffle iron! i call it “ruined waffle iron.”
‘ Lindy West (@thelindywest) November 20, 2015
“Actually, Planes, Trains & Automobiles is a Thanksgiving movie, not a Christmas movie.”
“I just asked if you were using credit or debit.”
‘ Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) October 27, 2015
[thanksgiving dinner]
SON: dad can u pass the gravy
PEYTON MANNING: sure thing
[goes to pass the gravy but it gets immediately intercepted]‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) November 15, 2015
Thanksgiving with gay friends is normal except prayers are replaced with a solemn rendition of the rap from “Vogue.”
‘ Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) November 27, 2014
I'm so old I remember when Friendsgiving was just called a goddamned potluck that no one wants to be at
‘ Richard Lawson (@rilaws) November 21, 2015
[reaches into oven on thanksgiving]
Here comes the bird!
{pulls out middle finger]
DIG IN ASSHOLES‘ Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) November 27, 2014
I don't start my holiday shopping until after Thanksgiving when I find out which family members I am still on good terms with.
‘ Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 25, 2015
On the night before Black Friday my family lets me trample one person to death
‘ Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) November 23, 2015
Look at the people in the room with you. Tomorrow, one of them will die in a Target.
‘ Jon Daly (@jondaly) November 27, 2014
