By: Jon Bershad

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Martin Shkreli Got Arrested?! Are There No Good Guys Left?

Well, jeez. I just don ‘t know anymore, you guys.

It seems like we live in a such a dark and disturbing world these days. With the news constantly bombarding us with murder, terrorism, and environmental disaster, the options for honest to goodness heroes are starting to feel pretty slim. So, to wake up this morning and find out that Martin Shkreli ‘ the Martin Shkreli! ‘ was somehow involved in something as unethical as fraud ‘ well, it just hits me like a ton of bricks.

This is somehow the smile of a *bad* guy? How is that possible??

I mean, who can we even trust anymore? It ‘s not just depressing, it ‘s completely disorienting. When we live in a world where a baby-faced business and pharmaceutical whiz-kid ‘ one of the good guys, Martin Shkreli! ‘ can actually be a CRIMINAL, then I just don ‘t know which way is up.

I ‘m not naive. I know that there are bad people out there doing bad things. But, to think that one of those bad people might actually be Martin Shkreli? It ‘s just shocking! This is hilarious Twitter jokester and boyish charmer Martin Shkreli we ‘re talking about! If even he can be one of those bad people, what chance is there for the rest of us?

I know, I know. I shouldn ‘t jump to conclusions. This could all just be a big mistake. But, somehow, that ‘s even worse. An innocent man getting his name dragged through the mud?! For what reason? I used to think bad things only happened to bad people! What has Martin Shkreli ‘ sweet and pure Martin Shkreli! ‘ ever done to warrant the scorn of the moral justice of the universe? Is there no such thing as karma?!

I went to bed last night thinking Martin was just a cute, boy next door! Now this?!

I haven ‘t gotten out of the bed yet today and I ‘m not sure I ‘m even going to. I ‘m just too bummed out. My whole world has been shaken. In fact, when my wife gets home, I think I ‘m going to have to tell her I want to stop trying to conceive. What right do we have to bring a new life into a world of such utter darkness; a world where even someone as just and respectable as Martin Shkreli ‘ Turing Pharmaceuticals sweetheart Martin Shkreli! ‘ can be corrupted?

Next thing you know, someone will be telling me that Donald Trump ‘s a bad dude too.

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