By: Alex Pearson
Jesus: Hey ‘
Balthazar: It ‘s me!
Jesus: Hey, you ‘ Sorry, I ‘m totally blanking. Remind me who you are.
Balthazar: We met when you were a baby.
Jesus: Like an actual baby? Then I was probably too young to remember.
Balthazar: I thought maybe with your, you know, powers ‘
Balthazar: Well, I was at the manger.
Jesus: Ah, you must be the little drummer boy. An amateur percussion performance for a sleeping newborn and his exhausted mother: how thoughtful.
Balthazar: No, not him, but I ‘m flattered you think I could be that young.
Jesus: A shepherd then?
Balthazar: Even better. I was one of the Wise Men.
Jesus: Yes, of course. Remind me again, why exactly were you called ‘Wise Men?”
Balthazar: We liked to sleep all day and walk around following weird stars at night. The nickname just fit I guess.
Jesus: Makes sense.
Balthazar: So ‘ how ‘d you like my gift?
Jesus: How could I forget? You brought gold, didn ‘t you? To me, a stranger ‘s baby. So very generous. We were able to use the coins the goat didn ‘t eat to get a room at the inn eventually.
Balthazar: Not the gold. One of the actual gifts ‘ I technically don ‘t consider just giving gold a gift. Where ‘s the thought, you know? Not that I am judging or anything.
Jesus: Yeah, I guess I can see that. Remind me which gift you brought again.
Balthazar: The myrrh.
Jesus: Oh yeah, the ‘ that. You shouldn ‘t have.
Balthazar: So, how was it?
Jesus: It was ‘ good. Definitely better than your typical ‘
Jesus: Right, better than your typical myrrh.
Balthazar: Awesome. So glad to hear it. But specifically how was it? It would mean a lot to hear what you thought of it.
Jesus: Oh, it was great. It was so ‘ delicious?
Balthazar: Wait, are you saying you ate it? Were you OK? Jesus Christ.
Jesus: Just Jesus is fine. No need to be formal. I didn ‘t mean delicious to eat. I meant that it worked deliciously when I ‘ used it, exactly the way you are supposed to use myrrh.
Balthazar: Fantastic. How exactly, if you don ‘t mind me asking? I ‘d love to hear more details.
Jesus: Oh, just, you know, the standard way everyone uses their myrrh, but better obviously. You have to tell me where you got it. Top-notch myrrh.
Balthazar: Umm ‘ the shop.
Jesus: The Bethlehem market?
Balthazar: Uh huh.
Jesus: Weird. I ‘ve been there a lot and never once seen any myrrh. In fact, come to think of it, I don ‘t know that I ‘ve ever seen myrrh sold anywhere before, or even heard of it for that matter.
Balthazar: I give up! I don ‘t even know what myrrh is. It was just a lame regift my stupid sister-in-law gave me for a housewarming. I didn ‘t know we were even doing gifts until the other guys picked me up carrying theirs. You saw right through me. You truly are magic, sir.
Jesus: You don ‘t have to call me sir. That ‘s not a thing.
Balthazar: OK. Sorry, sir ‘ I mean, sorry, Jesus. This is awkward.
Jesus: It ‘s OK. Want to see a trick? Got any wine?
Balthazar: Wine? It ‘s two in the afternoon, in the middle of a public street.
Jesus: True. OK, see you later, I guess.