By: Jason Flowers
This week ‘s round of tweets are so good you probably won ‘t be able to finish.
Not to give anything away, but about halfway into STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS, a manager makes you put your pants on and leave the theater.
‘ Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) December 18, 2015
“can the force be with me?”
“ahem… MAY the force be with you!”
*raised hand applies Vader-style chokehold*
‘ Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) December 19, 2015
A wheelchair-bound visionary leads his people through a major conflict
“That's literally WWII”
Ok then ‘one guy has claws
‘ the hippo account (@InternetHippo) December 14, 2015
Wife: [looking at bank statement] what's this huge charge from Clones R Us?
Me: [sends group text to 7 other me's] she's on to us
‘ Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) September 15, 2015
need to find a better way to trick my dog into taking his medication bc the last 2 times he tricked me into taking it
‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) December 14, 2015
Hey autocorrect, how about you stop worrying about my typing and start worrying about my driving.
‘ JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) December 8, 2015
Game show host: For $1 million would you have sex wit-
Game show host: I haven't told you wh-
Me: [already unzipping my pants]
‘ eric (@ericsshadow) December 17, 2015
I am not interested in your action movie unless the locations get typed onto the screen.
‘ Alex Baze (@bazecraze) December 12, 2015
Every Bernie Sanders picture looks like he's watching someone back into his mailbox.
‘ Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) December 19, 2015
People are like snowflakes. Individually small and ineffective, but if we work together we can make my step dad crash his car into a tree.
‘ Ray (@SirEviscerate) December 6, 2015
my favorite hobby is reading a book by a fireplace in a cabin in the woods. in other words, my favorite hobby is being threatening to trees
‘ jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 19, 2015
I love these Think Thin bars. Such a yummy snack! pic.twitter.com/Cc5T3i3p7y
‘ philippe iujvidin (@philyuck) December 14, 2015
Bill Nye’s full name is Bill New Years Eve
‘ Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) December 6, 2015
if you fuck up a meal just call it Chicago style and serve it anyway
‘ the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) December 12, 2015
Cute doesn’t cut it for some people. Starring Katy Colloton and Cate Freedman. Only one episode of many from Teachers Web Series. To learn more about the teachers, visit http://www.teacherswebseries.com.