By: Jason Flowers
This week ‘s round of tweets are so good you probably won ‘t be able to finish.
Not to give anything away, but about halfway into STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS, a manager makes you put your pants on and leave the theater.
‘ Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) December 18, 2015
“can the force be with me?”
“ahem… MAY the force be with you!”
*raised hand applies Vader-style chokehold*
‘ Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) December 19, 2015
A wheelchair-bound visionary leads his people through a major conflict
“That's literally WWII”
Ok then ‘one guy has claws
‘ the hippo account (@InternetHippo) December 14, 2015
Wife: [looking at bank statement] what's this huge charge from Clones R Us?
Me: [sends group text to 7 other me's] she's on to us
‘ Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) September 15, 2015
need to find a better way to trick my dog into taking his medication bc the last 2 times he tricked me into taking it
‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) December 14, 2015
Hey autocorrect, how about you stop worrying about my typing and start worrying about my driving.
‘ JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) December 8, 2015
Game show host: For $1 million would you have sex wit-
Game show host: I haven't told you wh-
Me: [already unzipping my pants]
‘ eric (@ericsshadow) December 17, 2015
I am not interested in your action movie unless the locations get typed onto the screen.
‘ Alex Baze (@bazecraze) December 12, 2015
Every Bernie Sanders picture looks like he's watching someone back into his mailbox.
‘ Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) December 19, 2015
People are like snowflakes. Individually small and ineffective, but if we work together we can make my step dad crash his car into a tree.
‘ Ray (@SirEviscerate) December 6, 2015
my favorite hobby is reading a book by a fireplace in a cabin in the woods. in other words, my favorite hobby is being threatening to trees
‘ jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 19, 2015
I love these Think Thin bars. Such a yummy snack! pic.twitter.com/Cc5T3i3p7y
‘ philippe iujvidin (@philyuck) December 14, 2015
Bill Nye’s full name is Bill New Years Eve
‘ Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) December 6, 2015
if you fuck up a meal just call it Chicago style and serve it anyway
‘ the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) December 12, 2015
The 2016 presidential election is still 15 months away, and the news coverage is already overwhelming. Save yourself the headache and fill out our Election Coverage Fill-In-The-Blank form. You ‘ll know, more or less, exactly what ‘s going to happen.