25 Hot Christmas Tweets To Wrap Up And Put Under Your Tree

Joseph: More like “Joseph Christmas”
Mary: we heard you the first time

‘ ceeks (@70Ceeks) December 21, 2014

This commercial for How The Grinch Stole Christmas described The Grinch as “the green guy who's got it all”

‘ Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) November 29, 2015

I strongly believe that the best Christmas gift anyone can give their boss is a single pair of jeans and a copy of the Bible

‘ Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) December 13, 2015

all I want for christmas is vast material wealth, overwhelming physical appeal, and the adoration of those whose work I envy. that's all

‘ Cohen is a Ghost (@skullmandible) December 15, 2014

all I want for christmas is 40 more golden amulets to undo a witch's 13 year old curse . and a sodastream

‘ darcie wilder (@333333333433333) December 21, 2015

Me: [dressed as ketchup] Ho Ho Ho!
Wife: Santa Sauce is not a thing
M: Happy Hollandais!
W: Stop it
M: And mayo you Christmases be white!

‘ Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) December 22, 2015

I bet Christmas morning at the Schr ‘dinger house is pretty tense.

‘ Jason Sweeney (@sween) December 17, 2015

thought I would surprise father by growing my fingernails long for xmas. what a fool I was to think that would endear me to him.

‘ James Hartnett (@jameshartnett) December 26, 2014

What flavor vape oil are you leaving out for Santa this year?

‘ rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 21, 2014

Inn keeper: I don't have any vacancies, but you can sleep in the stable with the animals.

Mary: I'm going to destroy this place on Yelp.

‘ James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 17, 2015

Being Jewish around Christmas is like being a woman around RUSH fans.

‘ Rachel Lichtman (@rachelichtman) November 28, 2014

what do people who say their favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard want from us

‘ Sam (@SamuelMoen) December 15, 2015

Ugh, I have wrapped SO MANY Christmas presents. I'm beat. Also, my hand is cramped from writing, “To Gwen, Love Gwen” so many times.

‘ Just Gwen (@msgwenl) December 16, 2015

the tradition of everyone gathering round the christmas boy to give me 600 dollars is being attacked by web grinches because i 'made it up'

‘ wolf pupy (@wolfpupy) December 11, 2014

Ain't no question where that shining star getting hung #highestbough

‘ Joe Rumrill (@2tonbug) December 21, 2015

The abruptness with which all of the other reindeer go from hating to loving Rudolph has never sit well with me. There's more to the story.

‘ Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) December 19, 2014

I doubt people would spend time and money on family Christmas card pictures if they knew exactly what people said when they opened them up.

‘ Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 12, 2015

Our photo Christmas cards finally arrived and the kids are upset that they didn't make the cut.

‘ Jocelyn Plums (@ColoradoUgly) December 16, 2012

My mom is mad because I'm crying in my Santa photo for the 39th year in a row

‘ Travis Mononymous (@Prof_Hinkley) December 18, 2015

No one tells Santa he laughs weird because he gives us stuff

‘ jonathan (@senderblock23) December 25, 2014