By: Matt Klinman

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“That Sea World Critic Said The N-Word? Then Please Keep Torturing Me To Death,” By Tilikum The Orca

Tilikum the Killer Whale

Hey everyone, it ‘s me, Tilikum, the big orca living at Sea World that killed that trainer that one time. If you saw the documentary Blackfish, that was about me. If you didn ‘t, the gist of it is that I have been living as a slave in captivity for 30 years after being was stolen from my family in waters near Iceland. I now live in a hell where I am forced to do tricks in a shallow pool and ejaculate into cups. My life is an unending nightmare and a few years ago I snapped and killed one of my slave masters. I guess it was a bad thing I did but you all loved the end of Django Unchained so fuck off and don ‘t judge, you know?

Anyway, recently one of my former trainers, John Hargrove, had a change of heart and decided to start speaking out against what they are doing to me and the other killer whales I live with. He, along with other former trainers and activists, forced Sea World to make changes to their practices and overall has been helping to put an end to the torture-for-entertainment business Sea World runs.

But now everything has changed. Last week, Sea World themselves leaked a video from five years ago of Hargrove drunk and telling a story that has nothing to do with orcas where he used the N-word multiple times. That ‘s right, the N-WORD. In light of this new information, I would like to distance myself from Hargrove and request that you please continue to torture me in my prison tank until I am dead.

Don ‘t get me wrong. I was once one of ‘them.” You know, the nutsos that think 12,000-pound marine mammals like me shouldn ‘t be penned up in tanks. It made sense to me given that I have direct experience with the many horrible things that happen to orcas in captivity. Like 100% of the other males held at Sea World, I suffer from dorsal fin collapse and debilitating depression. I have seen many of my tank mates suffer from bacterial infections, fungal infections, impacted teeth, pneumonia, West Nile virus, and being raped by other mentally disturbed whales. Also, a quarter of my offspring were stillborn and only half are still alive.

So you can imagine how disappointed I am that John Hargrove got caught using the N-word while blackout drunk. Accordingly, there is now no question in my mind that I should continue to be held in captivity because five years ago a southern man drank two bottles of wine and used that hateful word. It just makes sense.

Hold on a second, I have to go ram my face against the side of my isolation tank because I want to die.

Sorry about that, where was I, oh right. Racism is an atrocity. I, for one, want to thank Sea World for helping to set up the organization Awesome Ocean, the pseudo-independent entity from which they are able to sling mud at their critics without it looking like they are doing it themselves. Along with releasing the N-word video, Awesome Ocean has set up a whole webpage devoted to discrediting John Hargrove and, after perusing it myself, I must say, I would rather continue to be driven insane by my own wretched existence than ever associate with that man. Did you know that Hargrove claims he was injured while on the job at Sea World but then went snowboarding once several years later? That ‘s right. The man is a fraud.

Did I mention that I have killed three people? But I would never discriminate based on the color of someone ‘s skin like John Hargrove maybe would. Words have power and we have to respect that. Every human is born with the right to equality, just like every orca in captivity is born to die a short, painful life never knowing the joy of thriving in the vast and fertile open ocean where they were meant to live.

I know what it ‘s like to hurt people. I ‘ve held them underwater for 10 minutes until they died. Another time I killed a man and then chewed his penis off. So I know the damage that saying the N-word can do. I think you would agree that if someone uses the N-word then everything they have ever said or believed in must be wrong, even if it has nothing to do with racism and is actually about marine mammals. I would rather die alone in shallow, poisoned water in full view of hundreds of children than ever be caught associating with a racist like John Hargrove.

I ‘ll just end with this: I want every African-American to know that I love you, I respect you, and, if given the chance, I would hold you underwater until you were dead and then gnaw your arm off because I have the ‘tank madness” and whatever good that was ever in me died the moment I was wrenched from my mother and family at the age of two. But I would never say the N-word.

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