By: News

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“Could Ben & Jerry’s Free Cone Day Be Every Day With Bernie Sanders As President?”

Bernie Sanders (I – Vermont)

Hello America,

Bernie here, the junior senator and presumed underdog presidential candidate from the great state of Vermont. You know what else is from Vermont? Ben & Jerry ‘s ice cream.

Speaking of Ben & Jerry ‘s, do you know what today is?

Today is April 14th, otherwise known as ‘Free Cone Day” at Ben & Jerry ‘s ice cream cone shops. Free Cone Day, baby. That means free ice cream in a cone or (because it ‘s America and it ‘s a free country and you get to choose how you ‘re going to pursue your own happiness) a cup. And we ‘re not talking about some ice shavings drenched in food coloring and corn syrup getting pushed around in a sweaty cart all day, or some long-forgotten freezer-burned Breyers shit your dad bought a few months ago when it was his turn to get groceries. Oh no. We ‘re talking about the premo-est of pints, the inglorious-iestly-delicious of ices. We ‘re talking Ben & Jerry ‘s ice cream.

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