“Could Ben & Jerry’s Free Cone Day Be Every Day With Bernie Sanders As President?”

Hello America,

Bernie here, the junior senator and presumed underdog presidential candidate from the great state of Vermont. You know what else is from Vermont? Ben & Jerry ‘s ice cream.

Speaking of Ben & Jerry ‘s, do you know what today is?

Today is April 14th, otherwise known as ‘Free Cone Day” at Ben & Jerry ‘s ice cream cone shops. Free Cone Day, baby. That means free ice cream in a cone or (because it ‘s America and it ‘s a free country and you get to choose how you ‘re going to pursue your own happiness) a cup. And we ‘re not talking about some ice shavings drenched in food coloring and corn syrup getting pushed around in a sweaty cart all day, or some long-forgotten freezer-burned Breyers shit your dad bought a few months ago when it was his turn to get groceries. Oh no. We ‘re talking about the premo-est of pints, the inglorious-iestly-delicious of ices. We ‘re talking Ben & Jerry ‘s ice cream.