By: Funny Or High
Live Journal From A Guy Who Accidentally Bought Bath Salts Today
12:00 p.m. – Hey guys, welcome to my live blog. A little bit about me. I recently moved to New York City from Iowa, and I ‘ve never smoked pot before, but figured what better day to give it a shot than 420? I ‘m pretty inexperienced with the stuff, so I asked a couple of people where to buy it. They said the best place is in the park. I ‘m going to check it out.
1:13 p.m. – Just got to the park. Walked around a bit, and low and behold some guy came up to me asking if I wanted to buy the good stuff. New York City is wild. The weed didn ‘t set me back as bad as I thought it would. It was only $15. Funny, I guess Hollywood doesn ‘t really know what it ‘s talking about, because in all the movies I ‘ve seen, weed is green, but this type looks like a bag of salt. The guy swears it ‘s the best thing I ‘ll ever smoke. Here ‘s to him!
4:20 p.m. – Weed is fantastic! Wow! ‘Grass” is great! All these conservative types, as we say in Iowa, have potatoes up their butts. I feel amazing! On top of the world! The guy with the swastika tattoo from the park said this was primo shit, and boy is it! I feel like I ‘m a rocket about to blast off! I ‘m invincible! I am a little itchy though. Like everywhere. I ‘m burning up here! This is probably what the guy meant by ‘fire.” I feel like running. I ‘m going to go for a run!
5:02 p.m. – Just got back from my run, and boy was it exciting! I went to Starbucks and the lady gave me a free Frappe, as long as ‘I didn ‘t hurt anyone,” and ‘left right now!” Boy who would have thought ‘pot” would be so great?
5:04 p.m. – Lighting up another ‘doob.” This time wasn ‘t as great as the last. I think I ‘m going to chase this feeling.
5:15 p.m. – The craziest thing just happened. I got back to my apartment, and this clown was just waiting for me. We started playing catch. My roommate saw us, and I think he ‘s jealous the clown picked me. Why else would he say that he can ‘t see the clown? The clown is right there!
5:25 p.m. – Clown told me that no one else will understand. I keep seeing 17, and he told me to look out for 17. Everywhere I go I see 17. It must mean something.
5:47 p.m. – Roommate told me to ‘calm down” and that I was ‘bleeding from my eyes.” What a narc. Going to the park. I feel invincible ‘
6:00 p.m. – The park is fantastic! Everyone is looking at me and I love it! The animals and trees are talking to me. They ‘re saying ‘your father was wrong, you are a handsome, successful boy.” I might just spark up here ‘
6:25 p.m. – 1717171717171717 Jesus chose the 17 because of the fault of humanity 1717171717171717171717 And he chose me to end it
6:45 p.m. – google.com will I feel this way forever?
7:00 p.m. – Scott Walker 2016.
8:54 p.m. – google.com how to get rid of weed demons?
9:43 p.m. – I ‘ll take the shot you trolls. Fuck you goblins. I don ‘t even care anymore. I ‘m a good boy. So what if I can ‘t play baseball dad? I ‘m a successful boy.
12:00 a.m. – Just woke up. Don ‘t really know where I am. I lost my clothes, and I ‘m covered in blood. God knows who ‘s blood it is. What have I done? My pastor was right. You shouldn ‘t smoke weed. It ‘s the devil ‘s weed. Every time I think about it I start shaking, and salivating. It ‘s too late for me. There ‘s no going back. I ‘m corrupted.
1:07 a.m. – The demon has taken me. I ‘m back in park. Looking for swastika tattoo guy. He ‘s no where to be found, and I ‘ve been screaming at the top of my lungs for him for an hour. God fucking damn it I want some more weed. Right. Now. No one understands. I ‘ve touched the face of God. I would suck a dick for some weed. What has happened to me? I ‘m lost.
Found swastika tattoo guy. I ‘m back baby! The clown has given me my marching orders, and it ‘s time. Non-believers haven ‘t faced me for I am Alpha and Omega.
3:07 a.m. – Saw some cops need to run. Be back.
4:35 a.m. – In dumpster. Cops looking for me. Need to get to the nerve center. Only way to stop it. I don ‘t know if I will be back, and if I ‘m not God speed. The world will look to me in time.
*****If you have any information on this man please call the NYPD.