News Flash: The Only App You’ll Ever Need For Getting News. Forever.

Funny or Die is thrilled to announce the launch of News Flash, a topical humor app that delivers the stories of today to the palm of your hand. You ‘ll get jokes, news, videos, and that smug satisfaction that comes with knowing more about the world than the people around you. News Flash has it all, and it promises to launch without a single hutch. Hitch. That should ‘ve said hitch. Ha, one mistake that is in no way indicative of how the rest of this launch will certainly go.

So, what does this app look like? We combine hilarious jokes with short video clips to immerse you in the story, like below:

Obviously, that ‘s a mistake – a rare mistake. It ‘s doesn ‘t look that small.It looks larger than that. That ‘s just left over from an old glitch where the app was erroneously set to ‘Pinky Toe” size. Here, let me just fix that:

Well that ‘s closer, but this particular shot seems to be from when we were experiencing a glitch that caused every news story to be about how the world doesn ‘t have enough sand. This is wrong for a number of reasons (It ‘s in no way news, it ‘s an opinion and not fact, there definitely is enough sand, etc.). One more try:

I ‘ll be honest with you, there was a short period of time where the app had a glitch that made it think it was my teenage daughter.This was wrong for a number of reasons (I don ‘t have a daughter, the phone is not a human, this is also not news, etc).

Okay so this one is from a glitch that let Satan take over the app and use it for his own, dark purposes. He ran nothing but Kim Kardashian stories for weeks. Again, a short lived mistake that no longer exists. Here ‘s News Flash:

Nope, wrong again. This is what the app looked like when the CIA was redacting a lot of what we tried to publish because they mistakenly thought we were a terrorist organization (because of a glitch). Oh! You know what? I ‘ve been uploading these from an old file. Let me try this one ‘

There it is. That ‘s News Flash! The stories of the day conveniently delivered to your phone. Get all the front page news along with jokes that mock them.

A simple swipe right brings you to the next headline and joke. You can even share it on social media with friends and family (and enemies – we all have at least four on Facebook).