By: Funny Or Die

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Where Are They Now: NBA Players Edition

We caught up with some of your favorite hoopsters of yesteryear ‘ and what they ‘re up to now may surprise you!

Michael Jordan

The NBA ‘s first billionaire-athlete, Jordan has become something of a philanthropist, donating millions each year to ex-wives and bookies.

Charles Oakley

A bruising big man in his prime, Charles Oakley has spent his retirement like most NBA players do: writing Police Academy fan fiction.

Scottie Pippen

Always itching to be in the spotlight, Pippen is now a touring musician, going by the name of ‘Bob Dylan.”

Muggsy Bogues

Bogues was often dismissed as a novelty due to his small stature but was a quietly effective point guard for many years. He now drives the Mars Rover ‘Curiosity ‘ and has since 2011.

Clyde Drexler

Died in a kitchen fire in 2003.

Karl Malone

Finally pursuing his dream of having sex exclusively with mailmen.

Patrick Ewing

Died in a kitchen fire in 2006.

Mark Price

Every morning stands in his driveway and calmly drains 904 out of 1,000 free throws.

Shawn Kemp

Working several jobs due to the fact that he will be paying child support for over 100 years after he ‘s dead.

Arvydas Sabonis

Currently somewhere in Siberia, cleaning his teeth with small trees and riding his pet moose, Molly, toward strange new smells.

Jeff Hornacek

Still trapped in the Hell-Scream Dimension.

Yao Ming

Now a beautiful dolphin.

NBA Jam Bill Clinton

Still dunking after all these years.

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