By: Funny Or Die

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Shit People Say To Male Directors

The ACLU plans on investigating the hiring practices of female directors in Hollywood, seeing as only 1.9 percent of the top grossing 100 films of 2013 and 2014 were directed by women. There are countless horror stories of the way women are treated in the film industry, some documented on the site Shit People Say To Women Directors. But nothing compares to some of the downright shocking things people have said to men in the film industry. Here are just some examples.

My very first studio feature directing job
came after I directed a small indie biopic about about my own life as a struggling indie biopic director. When I interviewed with the male studio executive, he had the gall to ask me if I had any experience directing action. Obviously I didn’t. What was I supposed to say? I just said, “No,” but I said it very loudly and confidently. And then he said “Sounds good enough!” and gave me the job. Unbelievable. I didn’t speak to him again… until later that night, when we met up for beers at a strip club.

I haven ‘t gotten a directing job in fifteen years ‘
because I directed a superhero franchise and now I ‘m so fucking rich I never need to work again.

A friend, who worked as an assistant for a producer, passed my script along to her boss.
He invited me out for drinks to discuss it further. When I got to the bar at the restaurant, he was already there, and pretty drunk. Instead of talking about the project, he kept trying to make it personal. Turns out we ‘re both big Steelers fans. I had a great time that night. We never did end up talking about the project but I found out the next day that the studio was going to pay me a million dollars for my script.

Recently in a pitch meeting
I didn ‘t really have any ideas for a project, and the producer was looking for me to pitch something. So, I said, ‘I don ‘t really even like this idea, but here it goes,” and I pitched it to the room. Next thing I know, the producer said, ‘Great, let ‘s do that one.” So we did. It turned out just okay and no one said anything negative to me about it afterward.

On a special effects heavy shoot
I confided in the producer that I had never done the kind of effects that we needed, and I wasn ‘t 100% sure of the best way to shoot it. He said, ‘Don ‘t worry, we trust you.” It was a lot of pressure but it was great to know that everyone on set had my back.

Making my extremely personal passion project
I was worried I ‘d have to make sacrifices in order to get the project pushed through. But I didn ‘t. So that was nice!

I ‘m a male, white director.
I don ‘t know why I mentioned that. The point is I just purchased a home in the Hollywood Hills thanks to getting consistent work since I graduated film school.

I was a writer ‘s assistant for a well-known sitcom.
During a writer ‘s meeting I overheard someone say a joke under their breath, I repeated the punchline to the table and everyone laughed, later that season I was hired as a writer.

I was a PA on a low budget movie.
One particular scene wasn ‘t working and the director asked me how I thought we could change it. Even though I wasn ‘t qualified, I confidently offered a solution and the director has hired me on every shoot since.

I was the assistant director on a film and one of the actor ‘s was having problems at home.
I told him to keep it professional on set and he can deal with his issues when he isn ‘t on set. Next thing I know I was accused of ‘fathering him”. It was totally unfair. I am no one ‘s primary caregiver!

A female PA on the set of a movie I was directing
made me very uncomfortable when she rejected my sexual advances, so I had her fired. She blocked my number, so I call her from friend ‘s phones.

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