By: Zack Poitras
“Winning Game 2 Of The NBA Finals Almost Beats The Kiss I Got Last Night” By Matthew Dellavedova
G ‘day, world! Last night was one of the best of my life. I won an NBA Finals game and then kissed a cool girl right on the lips. Both of those things were incredible, ‘specially the kiss.
If you missed it, I helped my team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, win by making two clutch free throws. I was focused and ready to drain those bad boys, but I ‘d be lying if I said that while I was on the line I never thought about kissing a good woman.
After the first free throw I was like, ‘Sweet, I made it.” But then I also thought, ‘Oh man, if I make this second free throw, maybe a girl will kiss me later.” I didn ‘t get my hopes up too high, to be honest, because kisses are real rare for most people.
But then I made the shot and we won! Everyone was so happy. For a while I was so happy I forgot about getting a kiss, and just thought about basketball.
That didn ‘t last for long, though, because kissing always pops back in the brain (sometimes I kiss basketballs and imagine they are girls who like me as much as I like them).
About an hour after the game we headed to the bus. ‘I guess I ‘m not getting a kiss tonight after all,” I thought. That was when I saw this awesome girl waving her hands and yelling, ‘Hey you! Hey you!”
I went over to her, and said, ‘G ‘day.” She said, ‘Great job with the game,” and gave me a smooch as warm as a roo ‘s pouch on a summer day.
She didn ‘t just kiss my cheek either, mate ‘ she kissed my whole mouth, top lip and bottom. Both lips at the same time. For a few seconds, too ‘ not just a polite peck. Woo!
After the kiss, I hit the floor like there was a loose ball, but the loose ball was my beating heart. When I came to, she was gone.
Lovestruck like a koala with a tummy full of eucalyptus, I stumbled onto the team bus, and my teammates were like, ‘What ‘s going on, did you just kiss a girl or something?!?” And I was like, ‘I dunno ‘ may-be?” and I smiled, and everyone cheered and gave me high fives and standard, extremely regular handshakes.
One of my teammates, called LeBron, came up to me and said, ‘A kiss and a win in the same night? That ‘s what I call a good night.” What can I say? LeBron just scored a three-point swish in the hoop of wisdom.
I never got that wonderful woman ‘s name, and that ‘s a shame, because I would marry her right here, right now. Ah well.
I should go ‘ need to prepare for the rest of the Finals, even though a little part of me feels like ‘what ‘s the point?” Winning a championship would be great, don ‘t get me wrong, but nothing ‘s gonna ever beat that sweet, sweet kiss.
Except, maybe, two kisses. But that ‘s a bigger pipe dream than winning a championship with one superstar and a bunch of scrubs.