By: Simon Johnston
Hello, I am representative Brian Babin from the great state of Texas. After the recent ruling on Obamacare by the Supreme Court, I introduced a bill (theSCOTUScare Act) that would force the Supreme Court Justices to enroll in Obamacare, the very act that they allowed into law. On Friday, yet another injustice was imposed on the American people. The right for gay people to get married was declared the law of the land.
I ‘m not here to argue whether gay marriage is right or wrong, we all know that answer (hint it ‘s wrong). I am here to talk to the American people about a bill that I will introduce to Congress in the coming weeks, the ‘Nana Poo Poo You Have To Kiss a Guy On The Mouth Act.”
This bill would force Chief Justice Anthony Kennedy to gay marry a man, and then kiss him on the mouth. If Justice Kennedy is to force a judicial tyranny on the good citizens of this country, he should suffer equally with the rest of America and plant a delicate kiss on the mouth of a man.
I ‘m sure that good, Christian Americans would agree with me when I say that I want to watch Anthony Kennedy slowly kiss a man on the lips. Not only do I think this punishment is just, but watching Justice Kennedy slowly take his glasses off, lean in, and deeply kiss a man will act as a cathartic moment for Americans who still want to protect the sanctity of marriage. Not only will the bill force Justice Kennedy to look a man straight in the eyes, and give him a big, ole kiss, it would also make him do it with his shirt off.
This bill also contains a clause that would give me the power of picking the man that Justice Kennedy has to kiss on the lips. Some of the selections are as follows:
The guy from that Dockers ad I saw on the Bus
These choices reflect who I deem worthy to be kissed on the mouth by Justice Kennedy as I look on. Oh yeah, another part of the bill is that Anthony Kennedy has to kiss one of those guys on the lips in my basement, that way I get to watch in person, and make sure he does it just right.
Some of the detractors to this bill say that I myself want to be kissed on the lips by Anthony Kennedy. I will respond to that slander by saying that even though Anthony has a sweet pair of moist, candy lips, I myself do not want to kiss him on the mouth, and I think that ‘s gross.
I have already gotten a big name Republican Presidential candidate to back me as I push this bill forward. Republican candidate Mike Huckabee says that he supports this bill, and would love to watch two men kissing on the mouth for ten Mississippis in my basement. Although I have warned Mr. Huckabee that my basement is warm, and we may also have to take our shirts off, he said that he is so committed to protecting the religious rights of Americans, that not only is he prepared to take his shirt off, he is also not against wearing very short, shorts.
I know that my constituents support my effort to force Anthony Kennedy and that guy from the Dockers ad to kiss shirtless in my basement, while me and Mike Huckabee look on, also shirtless and maybe in short shorts, and I hope that the rest of the good, God fearing Americans, who want to keep marriage the unity between a man and a woman will join us.