Little-Known Presidential Candidates

With more and more people declaring their candidacy every day, here ‘s a rundown of some Presidential hopefuls you may not be aware of.

Jim McMannis ( R )
Hailing from California, McMannis decided to run after being dared to by a friend.

Michael Brogenson (I)
A twelve-year-old Ohio boy, Brogenson thinks running for President would be ‘bitchin ‘” and if elected, promises ‘way bigger Transformers.”

Robin Sweed (D)
Robin ‘s dream is to be the first President named ‘Robin” in United States History.

Larry Stockfellow (D)
A passionate foodie, Stockfellow is running for President solely to try the gourmet meals prepared by the White House executive chef.

Sue Smith (D)
If elected, Smith promises to not only legalize late-term abortion, but make it mandatory.

Jill Delacruz ( R )
Delacruz accidentally joined the race, filling out declaration paperwork she assumed was about securing the President ‘s Suite at a Hampton Inn.

Studebaker ( R )
A staunch conservative, Studebaker is a ventriloquist puppet operated by Karl Rove.

Mary Martin (D)
Upon taking office, the first thing Martin says she ‘ll do is increase circulation of dimes because ‘they ‘re just the cutest.”

George W. Bush ‘
The 43rd President entered the race solely to annoy his younger brother.

Martin Kerry (I)
Kerry just did a line of cocaine and would like to become President right now.

Christie Neil ( R )
An empty nester since her two teenage sons went to college, Neil is looking for something to get her out of the house during the day.

Taylor Swift (D)
The ubiquitous singer is searching for inspiration for a new album.

Stella Fensi (D)
Fuchs is running on the promise that, if elected, she ‘ll make ‘Uptown Funk” the new national anthem.

Max Dreeson ( R )
A native of Idaho, the cornerstone of Dresson ‘s platform is increasing the five-second rule for dropped food to a full ten.

Diego Martinez (I)
While he ‘s weak on foreign policy, the economy, immigration, and terrorism, Martinez ‘s main strength lies in making the World ‘s Best Chocolate Chip Cookies, as judged by a recent baking competition sponsored by Nestle Toll House.

James Franco (D)
The famed mutli-hyphenate is seeking another hyphen.