13 Ways Apple Will Probably Fuck Up The Release Of Dr. Dre’s New Album

Dr. Dre ‘s first album in 16 years, ‘Compton: A Soundtrack by Dr. Dre,” will be released Friday, August 7, exclusively on iTunes and Apple Music. Of course, Apple has a history of bungling big music releases, so here ‘s 13 ways Apple could very possibly do it again.

• Since Beyonc ‘ asked nicely, it ‘s now exclusively available to stream on Tidal.
• Whenever the N-word is detected, track plays out of your phone ‘s speaker instead of the headphones.
• Album can only be played in Keynote.
• They mixed out all those annoying high-pitched ‘G-Funk” synths.
• You get sent push notifications whenever a new verse begins.
• Full album can only be found by searching iTunes for ‘Andre Young, PhD.”
• Instead of digital liner notes, Apple includes 300 photos of smoked Gouda.
• Released exclusively to users of Apple ‘s long-defunct social media platform, Ping.
• They pull a classic “Steve Jobs switcheroo” and actually release an album by the other Doctor Dr ‘ of Yo! MTV Raps fame.
• Apple digs up Eazy-E ‘s corpse to stage a surprise reunion with Dre during the release event.
• At the last minute, Tim Cook begs Dre to let him ‘spit 16 real quick.”
• They accidentally give everyone the U2 album again.
• The album doesn ‘t actually come out, ’cause everybody act like they forgot about Dre.