10 News Predictions For 2016

Last January, I correctly predicted Jared Fogle ‘s shocking arrest. This year, I ‘m going for broke and making even more prediction. Here are the top 10 news stories I expect to see between now and New Year ‘s Eve 2016.

#1) To make a confusing artistic statement, Shia LaBeouf will legally change his name to Yoko Real.

Without explanation, he ‘ll say, ‘I live Yoko Real. I am Yoko Real.”

#2) Taylor Swift will have an awkward encounter with Viola Davis.

This might involve a condescending remark. It might involve a violation of Viola ‘s personal space.

#3) Justin Bieber will ride a hoverboard on a yacht and it won ‘t end well.

Pro tip: Don ‘t get your hover board wet, yo.

#4) Benedict Cumberbatch will win a staring contest with an owl.

And thus, Benedict will become King of the Owls.

#5) I don ‘t know, maybe there will be a new American Pie movie?

Maybe a spinoff about a bunch of teens who lose their virginities in Narnia or something.

#6) That kid from Two and a Half Men will break into the podcast game.

It ‘ll be a podcast about reviewing other podcasts. He ‘ll call it ‘Pod Heads.”

#7) Ray Romano will get caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Oh, yes, he will.

#8) The Giving Tree will be adapted into a Netflix original series.

The series will feature a cameo by Tilda Swinton as the grown-up boy.

#9) Ashley Simpson will mount a lukewarm comeback.

It will start and end with a spectacular whimper.

#10) Flo from those Progressive commercials and the guy from those ‘Can You Hear Me Now?” Verizon commercials will be embroiled in a heinous sex scandal.

You ‘ll never be able to look at your phone or car insurance the same.