By: Jenny Nelson
If you save up enough tweets in your bank account, it ‘ll really pay off ‘ in laughs!
[buying book on how to save money and stops in the middle of purchase] wait a second
‘ Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) December 23, 2015
What do we want!?
When do we want it!?
‘ Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) December 21, 2015
Oh my god, Becky. Look at her student loan debt.
‘ Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) August 16, 2015
it's important to me to have no idea how much money i make or spend
‘ darcie wilder (@333333333433333) November 12, 2015
IRS: you're under arrest for $69M in unpaid taxes
ME: haha nice
‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) December 8, 2015
*claims tweets as charitable donations on 2015 taxes*
‘ Sarah Shockey (@sarahjoyshockey) September 13, 2015
“I can give you $15 now, ask you to pay me back once, and then quietly resent you for the rest of our lives.” -Me as a Shark Tank investor
‘ Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) January 2, 2016
Every time I get paid it reminds me of why I got into this business in the first place.
‘ Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) September 11, 2015
ever wonder how much money it would take for you to completely sell out? i think either my student loan debt or a forever 21 gift card
‘ pilot! (@pilotbacon) November 18, 2014
If every person in the world would stop being so selfish and give me a dollar I wouldn't even have to find a job smh
‘ yc (@yc) December 11, 2015
real wealth is incompetencies accepted as eccentricities, everything else is just money
‘ Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@AyeshaASiddiqi) December 23, 2015
In the future, a person's American citizenship will be determined by how much money they can catch while inside a cash booth
‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 14, 2015
Wait till the hamburglar finds out about money
‘ jonathan (@senderblock23) November 18, 2015
man on the radio is “honestly speechless” after winning a 100 dollar gift card to jack in the box.
‘ Zo ‘ Klar (@zoeklar) August 4, 2015
Sure, I may hold only $837,000,000 in cash & marketable securities but when my toddler says asghetti I feel I’m the richest man in the world
‘ afbradstone (@afbradstone) December 15, 2015
If you don't go outside you can't spend money if y-
*orders $23 of food*
When you try your best but you don't succeeeeeed
‘ Sam Reece (@SamanthaaaReece) August 18, 2015
If I have $100 cash in my pocket in the morning, even if I don't go anywhere or spend any money, at the end of the day I'll have $7 dollars
‘ Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) August 22, 2015
i have an alert on my bank account so that when it reaches a certain amount of money I get a text that says “It's OK to be spontaneous now.”
‘ hope bonham carter (no relation) (@hopiecan) October 22, 2015
MUGGER: give me ur money
ME: i dont have cash
M: credit cards then
ME: dont have any
M: u got a paypal?
M: ok lemme give u my info
‘ skateboarding ‘s ANthony Hawk (@hippieswordfish) December 16, 2015
Every week I open Venmo and request all of my dad's money.
‘ zach (@somelightcrying) November 8, 2015
I wish I had hooves because I hate spending money on shoes and I almost never use my toes.
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) January 19, 2015
Never loan money to birds. They have no source of income
‘ donni saphire (@donni) January 1, 2016
[giving tour of our world to caveman time traveler] This is job. Stare at computer, get money This is life. Stare at computer, spend money
‘ Hippo (@InternetHippo) May 3, 2015
time is money and money is time, you can save both by digging your own grave and then dieing in it
‘ wolf pupy (@wolfpupy) December 22, 2015