26 Tweets About Dogs We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

“Loving this concept.” – God designing dogs

‘ braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) January 21, 2015

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Just saw a well groomed dog and said “I need to get a haircut.”

‘ shelby fero (@shelbyfero) January 10, 2016

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is it true that you’ve been a very good boy pic.twitter.com/nU9jXDD5vg

‘ miley sinus (@allstn) September 6, 2015

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I told your dog he was a bad boy while you were in the bathroom.

‘ rob delaney (@robdelaney) January 11, 2015

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Received an email from my dog’s daycare saying he was “shy at first” but “became dominant in the form of humping” and honestly, same.

‘ Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) January 11, 2016

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Trapped in a crevice. “Go on boy, get help.” The dog chews off my one free arm. “Ok yeah bring that back to town I guess”

‘ vineyille (@vineyille) January 10, 2016

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Seriously questioning this dog's DJ skills. pic.twitter.com/AmH76UNwmH

‘ Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) January 2, 2016

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DOG: I think that job interview went well!
*looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a

‘ Ray (@SirEviscerate) May 20, 2015

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I'm sorry I used your dog as a reference.

‘ MerGyver (@HoneyWooWoo) January 23, 2015

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DOG COP: [walks past car]
[sees own reflection in window]
Sir you can't park here
[taps glass]
Don't copy me
[pulls gun]
HE'S GOT A GUN

‘ Joe West (@joejwest) February 12, 2015

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I’ve created such a rich narrative for my dogs

‘ larry mcdonalds (@laceymicallef) August 2, 2015

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I feel like dogs named “Chance” are douchebags.

‘ Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 4, 2015

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Just met an adult named Cody who wasn't a golden retriever

‘ Nikki (@TurboGrandma) January 25, 2013

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After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, “I'll keep that in mind” and walk off

‘ Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 2, 2014

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I only work out so I'm strong enough to hold every breed of dog like a baby.

‘ Mike Primavera (@primawesome) August 10, 2015

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I get yelled at for riling up dogs about six times a year.

‘ John Howell Harris (@jhowellharris) June 27, 2015

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The Wikipedia 'list of individual dogs' is the greatest work produced by humankind: http://t.co/yXFs572TYW pic.twitter.com/BT4cV53QFf

‘ j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) January 28, 2015

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Sorry to text you so late but can your dog come over?

‘ Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 6, 2016

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There should be a law that if you have a cute dog you don't have to go to work.

‘ Christine Nangle (@nanglish) April 16, 2015

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how did man beat dogs in the chain of command. they can do nothing all day on their own and i have to get on my phone if the atm is too slow

‘ demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) September 26, 2015

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Once I made sushi for my dogs pic.twitter.com/1cdrJkxKcd

‘ Marlo Meekins (@MarloMeekins) May 28, 2015

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Reason For Annullment: – Hadn’t heard the voice they use to talk to dogs

‘ Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) May 10, 2015

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MY DOGS DONT KNOW OR CARE WHAT MY NAME IS

‘ jenny slate (@jennyslate) February 24, 2015

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When I am at the dog park I like to pretend its a business meeting gone horribly wrong.

‘ John Mulaney (@mulaney) May 5, 2015

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U don't even need a dog to go to the dog park. U can just go & play w/ the dogs and if someone asks which one's yours u can say “haha, yeah”

‘ Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) March 27, 2015

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duhhhrrrr I’m a plant! haha dogs pic.twitter.com/BZ8TmmXkRi

‘ Lisa Hanawalt (@lisadraws) August 22, 2015