Highlights From Obama’s Final State Of The Union

Last night President Obama delivered his final State Of The Union address. Obama focused on a message of optimism and reassurance to the nation. See below for highlights.

• Hearing Bernie Sanders shout “That ‘s what I ‘m talkin ‘ about, baby!” every time Obama mentioned the American middle class.
• Obama ‘s reading glasses delivered by drones.
• Obama asking Congress to spend $1 billion on Powerball tickets.
• President Obama winning over the hostile Republicans in the crowd by breaking out his trusty t-shirt gun.
• The surprise kiss between Madonna and Kim Davis.
• Obama totally spacing on why he invited a potato farmer.
• ‘The Martian ‘ winning Best Comedy/Musical.
• Post-credits scene teasing Obama joining The Avengers cast after leaving the White House.
• The promise of an E. coli free Chipotle before he leaves office.
• At the 36-minute mark, when Obama shouted “REMIX!” and Missy Elliot came out and brought everyone just tuning in up-to-speed.
• When Biden looked directly into camera and mouthed, “I have a boner!”
• Trump tailgate party.
• According to my uncle, the moment when Obama promised to take everyone ‘s guns and melt them down to make solar panels.
• The Supreme Court ‘s elaborately choreographed celebrations during each applause break.
• When some senator shouted “Free Bird” and then Obama totally played it.
• Paul Ryan finally giving in and yelling “All right, you got me, bro,” before high-fiving Obama.
• There are usually reaction shots of members of the crowding dozing off during the SOTU, but this was the first time they caught two audience members having sex.
• The snacks!
• Obama reminding us we ‘re the strongest nation on earth by citing the fact that the World Series takes place in America.
• Biden ‘s “senior prank” where he went out in the hall and released three fat, oinky pigs, but painted on them 1, 2, and 4 ‘ those politicians are probably still looking for pig 3!
• Halfway through, Sen. Mitch McConnell was replaced with a puppet, and nobody noticed.
• Republican rebuttal given by snarling pit bull.
• The part where I was too far from the remote and watched some Gerard Butler movie on FX instead.