By: Funny Or Die

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Pros And Cons Of The 4 Remaining NFL Super Bowl Contenders

Hours

Only four teams remain in this year ‘s NFL Playoffs. Heading into the Conference Championships, it ‘s the Denver Broncos vs. the New England Patriots and the Arizona Cardinals vs. the Carolina Panthers. With the Super Bowl right around the corner, we evaluate the pros and cons of the remaining teams to see who has what it takes to go all the way.

Denver Broncos

  • Pro: Quarterback Peyton Manning is one of the best football players of all time
  • Con: Manning is also one of the worst quarterbacks of 2015
  • Pro: Their home field of Mile High Stadium gives them extra endurance from all of that training at altitude.
  • Con: Due to second hand smoke inhalation, all players are high most of the time.
  • Pro: The most ferocious defense in the League.
  • Con: Ferocious defense is illegal in the NFL now.
  • Pro: Have beaten the Patriots once already this season
  • Con: The Patriots weren ‘t trying during that game.

New England Patriots

  • Pro: Tom Brady at quarterback and head coach Bill Belichick on the sidelines.
  • Con: Obnoxious asshole Boston fans in the stands.
  • Pro: They ‘ve been here before.
  • Con: They were impolite the last time they were here so no one is happy about them coming back.
  • Pro: The weather is supposed to be nice for the game in Denver.
  • Con: Tom Brady will need to explain how nice weather deflated his footballs.

Arizona Cardinals

  • Pro: Play in University of Phoenix Stadium.
  • Con: Have been practicing online all season.
  • Pro: Hottest offense in the NFL.
  • Con: Their very unattractive defense is jealous and bitter.
  • Pro: Have a good mix of veteran leadership and exciting youth.
  • Con: They constantly fight about what music to listen to in the locker room.

Carolina Panthers

  • Pro: An angry, intimidating Panther logo.
  • Con: Wussy baby blue color jerseys.
  • Pro: Only lost one game all season.
  • Con: They played most of their games against the Buccaneers.
  • Pro: Cam Newton is the best player in the NFL
  • Con: He can (and probably will) be injured.

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After honoring the luminary or luminaries its editors have deemed to be the Person of the Year, TIME magazine releases a second special annual issue, revealing who the publication considers to have been the biggest overall anus. Reproduced here is this feature for 2014.