By: News

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SCOTUS Rules That Kid Criminals Must Be Eligible For Parole

To all of our faithful incarcerated readers, first of all, a hearty hello! and second of all, you may be eligible for parole!

The Supreme Court ruled today that juveniles sentenced to life in prison must be able to apply for parole and that the ruling must be ruled retroactively. That, excuse us, rules!

If the following apply to you, this is great news!

  • imprisoned for a crime
  • you committed that horrendous crime in high school or that sweet, sweet summer after high school
  • whatever fucked up thing you did earned you a life sentence in prison
  • you ‘ve realized the mistakes of your youth and after a long time thinking about how bad you were, you ‘ve turned your life around for the better. Perhaps even reading our site,, you ‘ve seen how wonderful and fruitful a life outside bars could be. You ‘ve appealed the court ‘s ruling and asked for parole, which is undoubtedly much better than living the rest of your days in prison.

Let us know if you get off and now that you ‘re a reformed citizen, let ‘s grab a burger or do some charitable work or something!

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