By: Jenny Nelson
27 Tweets About Dating We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day
Just in time for Valentines Day, here are some dating tips and tricks from the love experts at Twitter Dot Com. Guaranteed to work!
a good way to start a conversation on a first date is “so since we’re in agreement that courtney killed kurt”
‘ mother matisse (@nurserycrimes) December 10, 2015
[on a first date]
Him: what’s something about you that would surprise most people?Me: I’ve never had a McRib
‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 9, 2016
Being gay's def not a choice cuz on my 1st date with a lady she pulled out a guitar & sang Indigo Girls at me 4 an hr yet I still date women
‘ Janine Brito (@janinebrito) July 10, 2015
Nightmare scenario: You start dating someone, and then, after deciding they're the one, you learn they say gracias to Chipotle employees
‘ Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) November 3, 2015
dream date: you take me to sephora, give me your credit card, and wait outside for two hours?
‘ birkenstock tan (@knndyryn) August 18, 2015
What's my dream date? First I'd take you to a fancy dinner. I like breakfast food, so I probably won't eat.
‘ John Reynolds (@JohnReynoldss) October 21, 2014
Waiter: would u like to see the dessert menu
Me: no, I know what I want
Date [whispers]: they won't have McFlurrys
Me: bring the fucken menu‘ David Hughes (@david8hughes) January 8, 2016
boy: when's our next date?
me: may 16th 2016
boy:
me: we'll be able to observe mercury on a transit. it happens 13 times a century‘ ‘\_(?)_/ ‘ (@accessforbidden) August 1, 2014
Meet me at Red Lobster at 7 for our blind date. I'll be the one with the wet arm because I put it in the lobster tank on a dare with myself
‘ Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) March 9, 2014
(at comedy show, audience member reflecting)
f*ck… dating IS weird in new york
‘ mary houlihan (@maryhoulie) February 6, 2016
*shows up 15 min late to our date with an Edible Arrangement*
Don't get excited, this isn't for you‘ Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) March 17, 2015
me: [throws jacket over a puddle like a gentleman]
my date: why my jacket
‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) February 3, 2016
Not even being on a good date w a hot guy holds my attention quite like a TV behind the bar in my peripheral vision playing Independence Day
‘ Sam (@SamuelMoen) October 15, 2015
I won't even look up from my phone until the 3rd date.
‘ Dean (@deankarrier) November 20, 2015
i ultimately stopped dating because i figured i should give some dudes a chance to develop their own taste in music
‘ tara shoe (@tarashoe) December 24, 2015
carrie is dating a jazz boy pic.twitter.com/8D1XrOuQTv
‘ y 2 mamma mia tambien (@christinefriar) February 6, 2016
i relate to women on dating shows bc i too am beautiful and unhinged
‘ jugs bunny (@alliewach) February 2, 2016
one time a girl cancelled on a date with me and like a year later her friend told me it was bc she saw naked old men on my twitter Page .
‘ jon hendren (@fart) April 10, 2015
One time I was dating a guy and he made a mistake and took responsibility for it and apologized & I haven't been able to stop coming since
‘ AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) December 18, 2015
Low Expectations Dating App
Him: I want a woman who leaves a wet sponge in the sink overnight.
Her: I just want a man who spells it “tity.”‘ Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) November 18, 2015
i've been working on my “okcuspid” dental dating site pun for like… 4 years now? thinking about giving up
‘ mailer daemon (@deadlately) November 18, 2015
dreamed that a boy vomited some soup onto me. a metaphor for dating i think
‘ speedy ortiz online presence? (@sad13) February 7, 2016
[walking in park]
date: “impress me”
me: “i can talk to animals”
date: “prove it”
me: [to duck] “hello you fucking duck”‘ k e i t h (@KeetPotato) January 11, 2016
I know it's only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like to buy your dog.
‘ Jason (@longwall26) December 13, 2014
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