By: FunnyorDieIU

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Whoops! The IDS Sent Us Their List of Corrections for Tomorrow’s Edition!

IDS Corrections List

Whoops! The IDS accidentally sent their list of corrections to us instead of the publisher. But we decided to do them a solid and post it for them anyway. Here ya go, with apologies from the IDS!

The Indiana Daily Student does its best to provide quality student journalism, but we do make the occasional error. Here are some corrections to previous articles:

  • The IU Opera ‘s production of Carmen opens 7:30 Friday night in the MAC, not Tuesday morning in Fine Arts 105.
  • The restaurant in the basement of Wells does not serve gelato.
  • The Kelly Application does not involve an obstacle course and a series of riddles.
  • IU does have a field hockey team.
  • Beat Box is not the name of Mark Cuban ‘s boy band.
  • Neon Indian and Whitney and White Reaper are not headlining Culture Fest. It will be Journey and Ted Cruz instead.
  • The ghost of Hoagie Carmichael does not live in the Cinema. He lives in the Union.
  • ATO was not relocated to the Stacks.
  • The Individualized Major Program is a real thing.
  • There is a building on campus called ‘Wright”, but we don ‘t know where it is.
  • Cher has never been a professor at Indiana University.
  • Christmas is on December 25, not July18.
  • The TabIU is not a real thing.
  • You should not eat the yellow snow. The yellow is urine.
  • The Showalter Fountain is not moving to Purdue.
  • Last week ‘s weather was just all wrong. We don ‘t have time to correct all of it.
  • The Jacobs School is not donating $250,000 to Kayne West.
  • Your parents are not getting divorced, but your father is moving to the pool house.
  • The clinic in the Georgian Room is for MUMPS, not HUMPS. Please stop asking for condoms.
  • Yes, humans are mammals. No, you cannot keep them in zoos.
  • You can ‘t borrow Steve ‘s car this weekend, turns out he is going home.
  • Fred Armisen is not the Zodiac Killer.
  • The Laughing Planet is laughing with you, not at you.
  • ‘Ernie Pyle” is the name of a Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist, not the name of a sex position.
  • No one on the IDS Staff can bench press more than 145 pounds. Everyone who bet against us can pick up their winnings at our offices.
  • Soma does not give you free coffee if you say it ‘s for your grandma.
  • Tom Crean does not live in the Arboretum. He lives in a house.
  • We apologize for giving ‘Fuller House” a positive review. The writer responsible has been put down.
  • The Gods have been pleaded with our tribute.
  • The man telling jokes in his crawlspace has no association with the Comedy Attic.
  • There is not a minotaur haunting the basements of Read. That is Neil; a hairy man who is very lost.
  • The IDS Staff is not giving out cashews. Please stop asking us for cashews.
  • The state of things in Syria are not ‘Gucci”. Things are actually quite concerning.
  • Rebecca ‘s good now. She talked to Steph and they smoothed things over.
  • Mother Bear does not have a son, she has daughters. We are all her daughters.
  • Jon Hamm is an actor; John Ham is the handsome butcher who works at Kroger.
  • There is not a Great White in the Showalter Fountain. It is a Tiger Shark and we named her Angelica and we love her and we ‘re keeping her.
  • IU does have a department of Folklore. Seriously. Look it up.
  • There is a Chick-fil-a in the Union, though it is only available to those who believe.
  • Y is sometimes a vowel.
  • The Frat Guy in your Econ class is not wearing that ‘Make America Great Again” hat ironically.
  • RA ‘s are not paid in licorice.
    The IDS is not a newspaper. It ‘s actually jut a cleverly disguised blog.

This article was written by conspiracy theorist and mostly-scared person, Jared Smith. Jared is a sophomore majoring in Disappointing His Parents. As an actor and writer, he constantly makes the mistake of thinking he ‘s funny. You can follow him on Twitter @JaredLaverneSmi or on Facebook, if you ‘re someone ‘s mom.

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