Other Despicable Groups That Endorse Donald Trump

‘His royal golden hair and moral code scream ‘leader. ‘ We may have had our issues with mad kings in the past, but even based on nothing more than his comments about his daughter, we can tell he is the candidate that best represents our family values.”

‘We admire Trump ‘s ability to force Republicans into the feeling of having no other choice. The tolerance and respect he gives those who question him reflect our highest standard of customer service. Unfortunately, we won ‘t actually be able to vote for him because the scheduled Election Day voting window is 7:00 AM to 7:00 PM, and therefore we won ‘t be showing up until 10:00 PM.”

‘This presidential run is not just about Trump. It ‘s about all of us who have long battled being written off as annoying pests or cartoonish bloodsuckers. It ‘s also cool how he ‘s just like us: harshest on women and disproportionately targeting people in Latin America.”

‘It has been an unpredictable march toward the White House, but unpredictable marching is what we ‘re all about. Like Trump, we believe it is important that you make your voice heard, especially during those darkest hours, even if it is only to incessantly shout insults at seemingly random women.”

‘We like our presidents like we like our vehicles: obtrusive, wasteful, and completely out of their element.”

‘A living, breathing embodiment of one of our camera flashes used to be nothing more than a dream. Now we can vote for him for president.”

‘We ‘re not even the worst Duke to endorse this guy.”

‘Go Trump. Whatever. Honestly, we ‘re just angling for a Cabinet gig.”