By: Ben Wietmarschen
The people of New York City are known for two things: always dressing in the freshest fashion and being in a rush. In NYC FOTG, we catch up with some of the taste-makers and haste-makers dashing through the streets of New York City.
Wearing A Chef ‘s Hat Carrying Extra Tall Wedding Cake Ten Blocks North And Five Blocks East
Chip S.- Brooklyn Heights
Big wedding cake you got there.
It ‘s tough to carry when you ‘re in a hurry! It always feels like it ‘s right on the verge of tipping over so I end up walking erratically, especially around corners where I often get bumped so hard I lose control of the cake and the various layers of cake separate and then reconnect just as they ‘re about to spill all over the street. But what can I do? I ‘m in a hurry and I ‘m irresponsible.
I notice you ‘re wearing a traditional chef ‘s hat. Don ‘t see many of those these days.
I love chef ‘s hats! Did you know that the reason there ‘s a big poof on top is to keep our heads cool as we work in hot kitchens? That ‘s the reason! I always thought it was there just to make chefs look silly because what we are doing is very silly, combining certain foods with other foods. It ‘s like “Oh don ‘t eat that food and then another food, eat them both at the same time. I ‘m a chef. Whoop-dee-doo.” Seems dumb and silly but so does everything else. Yep, life ‘s just a bunch of stuff to kill time between watching tv shows and having sex.
Where you headed?
Ten blocks up, five blocks over.
What ‘s there?
It ‘s where I ‘m headed.
But, like, what will be there when you get there?
Me. Oh yeah, duh! I see what you mean. Me and this cake.
No, you ‘re not understanding, why are you bringing the cake to that exact spot?
Yeah, totally. I understand.
You ‘re a dumb chef.
Check out my website dumbasschef.com and see vids of me doing dumb things with food while I ‘m drunk. That ‘s my thing.
Perfect Saturday out: The Bowery!
Boxers or Briefs: Boxers on weekends, briefs on the side.
Favorite New York food: Noodle knot (Grimaldi ‘s will make it for you if you ask and wink at the same time).
Favorite piece of clothing: This one cotton t-shirt that has Wendy ‘s stains all over it. It ‘s so comfortable and I love Wendy ‘s smells.
How do you get your news: My neighbors. Tom Brokaw ‘s nephew lives in my building and he screams me tweets through my front door until I wake up.
Tricia P. – East Village
Carrying A Ton Of Bags Headed To Rec League Basketball Game In Uniform
What ‘s with all the bags?
I keep pretty much everything in these things. Extra leggings, extra shoes, some knobs and bowls, an unknown child ‘s broken toy. I like to feel in control of everything in my life and that usually means packing up everything I own, emptying all my drawers, and raiding my cupboards at the beginning of the day and putting it all in these 6 bags. I think of these bags as extra hands. When things are in your hands, they can ‘t be lost or stolen or worse: gunked up. One fun thing is I own a lot more than 7 bags so one of these bags is filled with bags. But the bags in the bag bag are dirty, they need to be cleaned real bad. Trust me.
What kind of bags are they?
Why are you wearing a basketball uniform?
I ‘m going to my rec league basketball game, which I ‘m late for because my bags keep getting caught on loose nails poking out of pieces of wood and wrapping around my body and arms. I ‘m currently in a prison of my own bag straps.
What position do you play?
I play center even though, foot-wise, I ‘m less than five. But I called dibs on jump balls at our first practice so the rest of the team can suck it.
Do you like basketball?
They don ‘t let me play while wearing my bags so I usually quit early and go home. Honestly, I think my teammates don ‘t like me but they just don ‘t understand me. My bags understand me, though. I love my bags.
Pepperoni or extra cheese: Pepperoni
Favorite place in the city: A park bench that ‘s connected to another park bench with no one sitting on either of them so I can put my bags there.
Currently Reading: Instruction manuals
Last person you had sex with: Paul. Not Paul from the Beatles, though. A different Paul.
Are your parents divorced: Not on purpose