By: Ben Wietmarschen

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Funny Or Die’s March Madness Bracket: What Is The Best Sport? UPDATED WITH FINAL RESULTS!

For centuries, mankind has searched for the best sport. Is basketball the best sport? Or soccer? Or skateboard stuff? All will be decided in the Funny Or Die March Madness Tournament to crown, once and for all, the BEST SPORT.
Not only will the winner of this bracket walk away with the BEST SPORT moniker from now until the end of time, Funny Or Die will also be presenting a very real $100 check to the winner in a special ceremony after the tournament!
HOW TO VOTEClick on a matchup.

Vote for the better sport.

Leave a comment for why you think that sport is best.

Vote in the first round to make sure your pick for Best Sport is heard. For further information on the rules for choosing the BEST SPORT, scroll below the bracket. 1 Basketball 72% 1 Basketball 73% 16 Bocci 28% 1 Basketball 75% 9 Jai Alai 67% 9 Jai Alai 27% 8 Squash 33% 1 Basketball 46% 5 Rugby 69% 5 Rugby 68% 12 Kickball 31% 5Rugby 24% 4 Swimming 54% 4 Swimming 32% 13 Fencing 46% Reverse 360 Slam Dunk Region 6 Bowling 30% 3 Cycling 46% 14 Rock Climbing 44% 14 Rock Climbing 54% 6 Bowling 70% 6 Bowling 59% 6 Bowling 56% 11 Bull Riding 41% 6 Bowling 54% 7 Weight Lifting 27% 10 M. Pentathalon 58% 10 Modern Pentathalon 73% 10 M. Pentathalon 30% 15 Badminton 48% 2 Track and Field 42% 2 Track and Field 52% 1 Baseball 72% 1 Baseball 52% 16 Darts 28% 1 Baseball 67% 8 Ultimate Frisbee 63% 8 Ultimate Frisbee 48% 5 Speed Skating 37% 1Baseball 60% 5 Skiing 75% 5 Skiing 39% 12 Diving 25% 13 Table Tennis 33% 1 Baseball 59%
4 MMA Fighting 47% 13 Table Tennis 61% 13 Table Tennis 53% Bo Jackson Playing Baseball Region 6 Figure Skating 28% 1Baseball 70% 11 Snowboard 74% 11 Snowboard 72% 11 Snowboard 37% 3 Track and Field (Throwing) 67% 3 Track and Field (Throwing) 26% 14 Rope Climb 33% 15 Dodgeball 40% 7 Field Hockey 27% 10 Bobsled 24% 10 Bobsled 73% 15 Dodgeball 63% 2 Cricket 22% 15 Dodgeball 76% 15 Dodgeball 78% 1 Soccer 77% 1 Soccer 63% 16Luge 23% 1 Soccer 70% 8 Wrestling 57% 8Wrestling 37% 9Rowing 43% 1Soccer 39% 5Track and Field 51% 5Track and Field 46% 12Skateboarding 49% 4Gymnastics 30% 4Gymnastics 50% 4Gymnastics 54% 13Dressage 50% 2Hockey 46% Headball Upper 90 Region 6Martial Arts 57% 6Martial Arts 34% 11Curling 43% 14Capture The Flag 28% 1 Football 41% 3Tennis 45% 14Capture The Flag 66% 14Capture The Flag 55% 2Hockey 61% 7Lacrosse 61% 7Lacrosse 17% 10Dog Sled Racing 39% 2Hockey 72% 2Hockey 71% 2Hockey 83% 15Keep The Ball In The Air 29% 1Football 76% 1Football 73% 16Racquetball 24% 1Football 58% 9 Polo 30% 8Water Polo 27% 8Water Polo 70% 1Football 65% 12Ski 32% 5 Volleyball 72% 5 Volleyball 68% 5 Volleyball 42% 4Boxing 61% 4Boxing 28% 13Horseshoes 39% Bo Jackson Playing Football Region 1FOOTBALL 54% 6Horse Racing 33% 11Surfing 51% 11Surfing 67% 11Surfing 70% 14Arm Wrestling 47% 3Golf 49% 3Golf 53% 11 Surfing 35% 7Handball 38% 10Triathlon 60% 10Triathlon 62% 10Triathlon 30% 15Shuffleboard 34% 2Track and Field (Racing/Marathon) 40% 2Track and Field 66% THE BEST SPORT 1 BASEBALLFINAL TWO 1 Football 50 1 Baseball
FINAL FOUR 6 Bowling 50 1Baseball 50 2Hockey 1FOOTBALL Athletic 8 1 Basketball 6 Bowling 50 1Baseball 15 Dodgeball 1Soccer 2Hockey 1Football 11 Surfing Sports 16 1 Basketball 50 5Rugby 50 6 Bowling 50 10 M. Pentathalon 50 1 Baseball 50 13 Table Tennis 50 11 Snowboard 50 15 Dodgeball 50 1 Soccer 50 4Gymnastics 50 14Capture The Flag 50 2Hockey 50 1Football 50 5 Volleyball 50 11Surfing 50 10Triathlon 50 Thick 32 1 Basketball 237 9 Jai Alai 75 5 Rugby 105 4 Swimming 86 14 Rock Climbing 95 6 Bowling 93 10 Modern Pentathalon 105 10 Track and Field 105 1 Baseball 109 8 Ultimate Frisbee 55 5 Skiing 60 13 Table Tennis 53 11 Snowboard 64 3 Track and Field (Throwing) 61 10 Bobsled 56 15 Dodgeball 79 1 Soccer 133 8Wrestling 43 5Track and Field 41 4Gymnastics 27 6Martial Arts 44 14Capture The Flag 51 7Lacrosse 53 2Hockey 109 1Football 71 8Water Polo 54 5 Volleyball 52 4Boxing 49 11Surfing 53 3Golf 45 10Triathlon 44 2Track and Field 52 Top 64 Sports 1 Basketball 237 16 Bocci 91 8 Squash 34 9 Jai Alai 75 5 Rugby 105 12 Kickball 49 4 Swimming 86 13 Fencing 67 6 Bowling 93 11 Bull Riding 48 3 Cycling 74 14 Rock Climbing 95 7 Weight Lifting 39 10 Modern Pentathalon 105 2 Track and Field 105 15 Badminton 99 1 Baseball 109 16 Darts 41 8 Ultimate Frisbee 55 5 Speed Skating 34 5 Skiing 60 12 Diving 21 4 MMA Fighting 45 13 Table Tennis 53 6 Figure Skating 24 11 Snowboard 64 2 Cricket 23 15 Dodgeball 79 3 Track and Field (Jumping) 61 14 Rope Climb 30 7 Field Hockey 25 10 Bobsled 56 1 Soccer 133 16Luge 51 8Wrestling 43 9Rowing 35 5Track and Field 41 12Skateboarding 44 4Gymnastics 67 13Dressage 67 6Martial Arts 44 11Curling 52 3Tennis 44 14Capture The Flag 51 7Lacrosse 53 10Dog Sled Racing 39 2Hockey 109 15Keep The Ball In The Air 89 1Football 71 16Racquetball 21 8Water Polo 54 9 Polo (Horseform) 23 5 Volleyball 52 12Ski (Jumping) 24 4Boxing 49 13Horseshoes 33 6Horse Racing 26 11Surfing 53 3Golf 45 14Arm Wrestling 43 7Handball 28 10Triathlon 44 2Track and Field 52 15Shuffleboard 29
BEN’S BRACKET BREAKDOWN

Let the bracket czar make sense of all the madness for you.

FIRST ROUND ANALYSIS

During a weekend JAM PACKED with sports action, the Funny or Die Best Sport Tournament shined brighter than any of the other crap.

SECOND ROUND ANALYSIS

The ‘Thick 32 ‘ has given way to the upcoming ‘Sports 16 ‘ in ultra dramatic fashion. We ‘re talking upsets like you ‘ve never even seen, tight scores like you can ‘t even imagine, and drama like you won ‘t even believe.

THIRD ROUND ANALYSIS

The pretenders of Funny or Die ‘s #BestSport Tournament have fallen away and the big hitters are still breathing easy after three rounds of hardcore Sports Action! But Wait! There are still a few surprises left up this bracket ‘s sleeve because #BestSport tournaments, much like life, don ‘t follow no script.

FOURTH ROUND ANALYSIS

The first truly game changing upset went down last night and the Sports world is still reeling. Baseball and Football skated through to the ‘Finalized 4 ‘ while Hockey edged Soccer and Bowling, yes BOWLING, took down Basketball, yes BASKETBALL!

FIFTH ROUND ANALYSIS

We ‘ve made it to the end. The big one. What it ‘s all about: The FINALS, baby! After this coming Thursday, humanity will know ‘now and forever ‘what the #BestSport in the world actually is.

SIXTH ROUND ANALYSIS

BASEBALL Wins #BestSport Tournament! Watch The Giant Novelty Check Ceremony and get the final analysis.

RULES his is a tournament to name the BEST sport. Not what’s the most popular or which has the best athletes or what’s the most fun to watch or which is most full of the toughest sons of bitches. To definitively find the undisputed BEST SPORT, the following rules have been followed. All of these rules were made up and are indisputable gospel truth.


Ben Wietmarschen
The rule maker & bracket czar.


Ben & The Big Check DEFINITION OF A SPORT A contest governed by a set of rules or customs where at least one athletic move is the primary, but not necessarily exclusive, means to win a competition.*

*ADDENDUM 1 “Athletic move” includes, but is not necessarily limited to: Running, jumping, throwing, kicking, grappling, lifting, chucking, swatting, pushing, hitting, swinging (bat or punch), pulling, hoisting, climbing, bailing, scaling, organized flailing, etc.
“Athletic move” does NOT include playing video games. Playing video games is not a sport, it’s playing video games.

**ADDENDUM 2If the performance of a machine is tantamount to the performance of the individual or team, that activity is disqualified. NOTE: This doesn ‘t exclude sports using a machine, just that if the machine is more important than the human(s) operating it (e.g. In car racing the performance of the car is at least equal to the performance of the individual operating it, so it ‘s outta here. That ‘s right, NASCAR AND OTHER CAR RACING IS NOT A SPORT. I look forward to plenty of gasoline drenched hate mail.).

***ADDENDUM 3Horses and other animals are not machines, they are living things, thus their performance is considered as valid as a human ‘s and thus (again), horse/dog/other animals are included.

****ADDENDUM 4 If the original intent of the activity was not competition, then it is disqualified (That ‘s right, COMPETITIVE EATING IS NOT A SPORT. I look forward to plenty of buffalo sauce soaked hate mail).

PLEASE NOTEIf a sport is not in the tournament, that doesn ‘t necessarily mean it is not actually a sport. It might just be a bullshit sport that is not in the top 64 (That ‘s right, COW CHIP THROWING IS A SPORT BUT IT ‘S NOT TOP 64. I look forward to plenty of hate mail with turds in it.).
SCHEDULE We want you to come back and keep voting.
Here is when things are happening:

Thursday, 3/17#1: Top 64 SportsMonday, 3/21#2: Top 32 “Thick 32Thursday, 3/24#3: Top 16 “Sports 16Monday, 3/28#4: Top 8 “Athletic 8Thursday, 3/31#5: Top 4 “Finalized 4Monday, 4/4#6: Top 2 “Best Sport Championship MatchupThursday, 4/7#7: Crown The Winner!

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