By: News

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How Merrick Garland Can Spend His Time Waiting For The Senate To Approve Him

As you probably know because you ‘re a politically #woke bae, President Obama has nominated Murlord Garment to fill the late Justice Antonin Scalia ‘s seat in the Supreme Court. Marlo Gupta, 63, is currently the chief judge of the US Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit and beloved by all people who love judges, even Republicans.

But as you also probably know, evil witch and Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell has pinky promised Satan to never approve anyone whom Obama nominates. We all sort of thought this would be a lot of spectacle until Obama did indeed present Morton Gurbmont, like a beautiful teen at a debutante ball, and old Mitchy Mitch was like, ‘No seriously, I hate everything you stand for and also democracy. ‘

So now we wait. We wait because the Senate has to approve M&M Glorbrot now that Obama has nominated him and that ain ‘t looking like it ‘ll be a speedy drive-thru visit to McDonald ‘s. This means that Merrick Garland has some time on his hands because he can ‘t exactly go back to his old job and be like, ‘Um yeah my weekend was good, didn ‘t do much, definitely not leaving this job, love it here guys, lol you guys are my best buds. ‘

Here ‘s what he can fill his days with in the meantime:

Nailing His Dunks

Knitting A Blanket For Mitch McConnell Because He Probs Has Trouble Sleeping At Night Cuz He ‘s Such A Shady N00B

Fitting In Some Last-Minute Crimes Before He ‘s In The Public Eye

Photoshopping His Face Over Scalia ‘s

But most importantly, hopefully Mumford Goodband can relax a little before his life becomes undoubtedly ‘Supreme.*


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