By: Jenny Nelson
23 Tweets About Dads We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

We can assure you, these tweets are just resting their eyes.
No one is better at pretending they didn't fall asleep than dads.
‘ Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) December 29, 2015
The balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet except it's my parents yelling at each other because my dad's been taking a shit for over an hour
‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) April 13, 2015
Found out my dad is usin this photo i edited of him for his profile pic on a dating site. He said the ladies love it pic.twitter.com/yvRKQGoVEj
‘ #RBLE | Sunny & Gabe (@GabeNiles) March 6, 2016
Dad was super strict. Wouldn ‘t let me wear any makeup. Sure made it difficult at clown school. Also at my other job, at the clown strip club
‘ Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) January 15, 2016
just witnessed a dad prank his small son by telling him to ask a very life-like statue where the bathroom is
‘ Blythe Roberson (@blythelikehappy) March 20, 2016
my dad asked me to play “Mack The Knife” on his Sonos and i put on “Return of the Mack” instead. classic Sonos dad prank! he doesn't like it
‘ joe mande (@JoeMande) March 15, 2016
occupation: blogger, artist, DJ
current project: performance art piece where i text my dad asking for money
‘ BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL) March 16, 2016
being a dad is dope cuz u'r just like “i'ma body slam u on the bed a few times then feed u garbage” & u'r a hero pic.twitter.com/9Q3tWVk0ev
‘ Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) February 13, 2016
My dad got banned from most the CiCis in Fort Worth cuz he was putting pizza in a suitcase
‘ Victor Pope Jr (@VictorPopeJr) December 8, 2015
My dad used to tell me and my sister that his birthday was two days long and now I can never remember if it’s on the 20th or 21st
‘ Vann R. Newkirk II (@fivefifths) September 20, 2015
my dad was a big time dilbert fan and i hope that info puts him on a no-fly list someday
‘ heavy sweater (@someofmybest) September 14, 2015
what if the Disney Princes were 5 wild, free horses who were all my dad?
‘ Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) August 2, 2015
if ur dad didn't want to be more than friends then why did he get me that delicious glass of water
‘ beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 5, 2014
Damn my dad changed my autocorrect settings again pic.twitter.com/BTQw1oqJcD
‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 28, 2016
i had a rough day today but it's like my dad always said, “thats a push door you fucking idiot”
‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) March 25, 2016
[troubled teen support group]
“My son won't even call me Dad. He insists on calling me Carl.”
That's not so bad.
“But my name is Greg.”
‘ Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) March 23, 2016
I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
That when I say I'm tired
He says “Hi Tired, I'm Dad”‘ Michael (@Home_Halfway) March 13, 2016
My dad refuses to pay for a calendar and uses whatever he can get for free. This is seriously hanging in his house. pic.twitter.com/raku7JJun9
‘ Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) March 6, 2016
haha ew, accidentally called my dad ‘mom ‘ during sex
‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) January 25, 2016
Similar Posts

Gamechangers Ep 2: Fear the NFL Draft
The pride of Mt. Tuskegee State, Willis Jackson, talks about why you should fear the draft and his plans for draft day 2010.

Chartreuse is sick.
Even Chartreuse needs some downtime.

Lenny Clarke on Weight Watchers: Old Guys
After his weight loss, comedian Lenny Clarke filmed a series of commercials for Weight Watchers.

Compliment to Completion
Complement to completion but remember NO TOUCHING! Subscribe for new sketches EVERY MONDAY and follow us on Facebook @ http://www.Facebook.com/MatzaPizza Written by Gianmarco Soresi http://www.Facebook.com/GianmarcoSoresi http://www.Twitter.com/GianmarcoSoresi http://www.Instagram.com/GianmarcoSoresi http://www.GianmarcoSoresi.com Produced by Lindsay-Elizabeth Hand / Edge In Motion http://www.Facebook.com/LindsayElizab… http://www.Twitter.com/MissLindsayHand http://www.Instagram.com/MissLindsayHand http://www.edgeinmotionproductions.com Directed by Michelle Cutolo http://www.michellecutolo.com DP ‘d by T Zhang http://www.gdbym.com Edited by Jeff Rabinak http://www.JeffRabinak.com Filmed in front of New World Stages http://newworldstages.com Complementer: Chris Rice https://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisRiceNY https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherR… https://www.instagram.com/chrisriceny https://twitter.com/chrisriceny http://www.christopherriceonline.com Complementee: Gianmarco Soresi Body Guard: Bert Flowers Fans: Kelli Harrison, Jax Jackson, Marcus Edghill, Sarah Seeds, Scott Friedstein, and Rasheda Crockett. Make-Up by Lani Sunglao and Costumes by Cindy Ho Crew: Jean-Louis Fragnay and Mauricio Marces Special Thanks to New World Stages and Lindsay-Elizabeth Hand for designing those badass playbills!!!

(I Forgot It Was) Christmas Original Song
Written by Rob LeDonne. Performed by Petros Anastos-Prastacos. With Alexa Beaman.

Summer Lovin’
Shelby and Buck fall in love using the latest in dating app technology but the EGOS are just not haven it.