By: Jenny Nelson
We can assure you, these tweets are just resting their eyes.
No one is better at pretending they didn't fall asleep than dads.
‘ Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) December 29, 2015
The balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet except it's my parents yelling at each other because my dad's been taking a shit for over an hour
‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) April 13, 2015
Found out my dad is usin this photo i edited of him for his profile pic on a dating site. He said the ladies love it pic.twitter.com/yvRKQGoVEj
‘ #RBLE | Sunny & Gabe (@GabeNiles) March 6, 2016
Dad was super strict. Wouldn ‘t let me wear any makeup. Sure made it difficult at clown school. Also at my other job, at the clown strip club
‘ Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) January 15, 2016
just witnessed a dad prank his small son by telling him to ask a very life-like statue where the bathroom is
‘ Blythe Roberson (@blythelikehappy) March 20, 2016
my dad asked me to play “Mack The Knife” on his Sonos and i put on “Return of the Mack” instead. classic Sonos dad prank! he doesn't like it
‘ joe mande (@JoeMande) March 15, 2016
occupation: blogger, artist, DJ
current project: performance art piece where i text my dad asking for money
‘ BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL) March 16, 2016
being a dad is dope cuz u'r just like “i'ma body slam u on the bed a few times then feed u garbage” & u'r a hero pic.twitter.com/9Q3tWVk0ev
‘ Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) February 13, 2016
My dad got banned from most the CiCis in Fort Worth cuz he was putting pizza in a suitcase
‘ Victor Pope Jr (@VictorPopeJr) December 8, 2015
My dad used to tell me and my sister that his birthday was two days long and now I can never remember if it’s on the 20th or 21st
‘ Vann R. Newkirk II (@fivefifths) September 20, 2015
my dad was a big time dilbert fan and i hope that info puts him on a no-fly list someday
‘ heavy sweater (@someofmybest) September 14, 2015
what if the Disney Princes were 5 wild, free horses who were all my dad?
‘ Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) August 2, 2015
if ur dad didn't want to be more than friends then why did he get me that delicious glass of water
‘ beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 5, 2014
Damn my dad changed my autocorrect settings again pic.twitter.com/BTQw1oqJcD
‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 28, 2016
i had a rough day today but it's like my dad always said, “thats a push door you fucking idiot”
‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) March 25, 2016
[troubled teen support group]
“My son won't even call me Dad. He insists on calling me Carl.”
That's not so bad.
“But my name is Greg.”
‘ Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) March 23, 2016
I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
That when I say I'm tired
He says “Hi Tired, I'm Dad”
‘ Michael (@Home_Halfway) March 13, 2016
My dad refuses to pay for a calendar and uses whatever he can get for free. This is seriously hanging in his house. pic.twitter.com/raku7JJun9
‘ Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) March 6, 2016
haha ew, accidentally called my dad ‘mom ‘ during sex
‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) January 25, 2016
Jordan Klepper, Mike Yard and Ron Funches defend the newsworthiness of front-page articles. Watch full episodes of @midnight now — no login required: http://on.cc.com/17MOT5T @midnight with Chris Hardwick airs weeknights at 12a/11c on Comedy Central.
Hey there! I’m Thomas Smith. I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah but I just recently moved to New York City. I am really passionate about becoming a famous journalist. At some point in my life, I’ve been obsessed with talking to strangers, talking to strangers about myself, and talking to strangers about how I want to become a famous journalist. ? I studied Journalism at the University Of Utah. I just recently graduated, and finding a job has been tough. Then it hit me. ? I love the blog Humans Of New York, and the guy who created it is super famous now. If I could do exactly what he did, but better, then maybe I could be just as more famous. Human People Of New York aims to remind you that behind every human of New York, there is also a person who is human. Join me every Friday as I interview real true New Yorkers in the one place where you can only find a real true New Yorker: Times Square! I’m Thomas Smith, and I’m here to tell the stories of every day New Yorkers through my blog about them through me.