23 Tweets About Dads We’re Gonna Need You To Read By The End Of The Day

No one is better at pretending they didn't fall asleep than dads.

‘ Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) December 29, 2015

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The balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet except it's my parents yelling at each other because my dad's been taking a shit for over an hour

‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) April 13, 2015

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Found out my dad is usin this photo i edited of him for his profile pic on a dating site. He said the ladies love it pic.twitter.com/yvRKQGoVEj

‘ #RBLE | Sunny & Gabe (@GabeNiles) March 6, 2016

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Dad was super strict. Wouldn ‘t let me wear any makeup. Sure made it difficult at clown school. Also at my other job, at the clown strip club

‘ Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) January 15, 2016

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just witnessed a dad prank his small son by telling him to ask a very life-like statue where the bathroom is

‘ Blythe Roberson (@blythelikehappy) March 20, 2016

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my dad asked me to play “Mack The Knife” on his Sonos and i put on “Return of the Mack” instead. classic Sonos dad prank! he doesn't like it

‘ joe mande (@JoeMande) March 15, 2016

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occupation: blogger, artist, DJ

current project: performance art piece where i text my dad asking for money

‘ BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL) March 16, 2016

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being a dad is dope cuz u'r just like “i'ma body slam u on the bed a few times then feed u garbage” & u'r a hero pic.twitter.com/9Q3tWVk0ev

‘ Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) February 13, 2016

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My dad got banned from most the CiCis in Fort Worth cuz he was putting pizza in a suitcase

‘ Victor Pope Jr (@VictorPopeJr) December 8, 2015

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My dad used to tell me and my sister that his birthday was two days long and now I can never remember if it’s on the 20th or 21st

‘ Vann R. Newkirk II (@fivefifths) September 20, 2015

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my dad was a big time dilbert fan and i hope that info puts him on a no-fly list someday

‘ heavy sweater (@someofmybest) September 14, 2015

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what if the Disney Princes were 5 wild, free horses who were all my dad?

‘ Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) August 2, 2015

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if ur dad didn't want to be more than friends then why did he get me that delicious glass of water

‘ beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 5, 2014

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Damn my dad changed my autocorrect settings again pic.twitter.com/BTQw1oqJcD

‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 28, 2016

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i had a rough day today but it's like my dad always said, “thats a push door you fucking idiot”

‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) March 25, 2016

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[troubled teen support group]

“My son won't even call me Dad. He insists on calling me Carl.”

That's not so bad.

“But my name is Greg.”

‘ Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) March 23, 2016

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I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
That when I say I'm tired
He says “Hi Tired, I'm Dad”

‘ Michael (@Home_Halfway) March 13, 2016

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My dad refuses to pay for a calendar and uses whatever he can get for free. This is seriously hanging in his house. pic.twitter.com/raku7JJun9

‘ Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) March 6, 2016

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haha ew, accidentally called my dad ‘mom ‘ during sex

‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) January 25, 2016