By: Clara Morris

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Leaked Memo: Trump’s Proposed Punishments For Women Seeking Abortions

Yesterday Trump said that if Roe v. Wade is overturned, women seeking abortions should face ‘some sort of punishment. ‘

Though he has since taken back this statement, it seems that in the interim he had time to draft a memo to his campaign manager about what those punishments should be. And we got our hands on that memo.

From: President of the United States Donald J Trump
To: Policy Advisor and Former Model UN Participant George Papadopoulos
Date: 03-30-2016
Subject: Punishments for Women Seeking Abortion

No one will accuse me of being vague. I hate vague. Of course I had specific punishments in mind. Here they are:

  • If they ‘re hot, they have to sleep with me.
  • If they aren ‘t hot, we wait until they get their pre-pregnancy body back, then they have to sleep with me.
  • If they ‘re still not hot, jail.
  • They have to brush my hair.
  • They have to have another baby, and they have to name it Trump. I ‘m talking first name. I ‘m talking boy or girl.
  • No more pooping. It ‘s disgusting.
  • Campaign manager Corey Lewandowski gets to throw ’em around a little.
  • They don ‘t have to have sex with me, but they have to sit in my room all night, complimenting me until I fall asleep.
  • Execution.
  • They have to pay for their own execution.
  • They have to leave a positive yelp review for a Trump hotel or resort every day until they are dead. No suicide allowed.
  • Their wage gap will be 69 cents to the dollar.
  • No more talking. It ‘s disgusting.
  • They have to have another baby, and when the doctor hands it to them after delivery, the first words they say to their baby must be: ‘We ‘re making America great again. ‘
  • Must dance for my amusement whenever my internet is down.
  • 15 years hard labor (building the border wall).
  • Have to tell people they ‘ve seen my dick and it ‘s huge. And they have to pronounce it ‘yuge. ‘
  • They have to follow me around, giggling after every clever thing I say.
  • No more thinking. It ‘s disgusting.

Let me know how great you think these ideas are by the end of the day.


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