By: Clara Morris
Leaked Memo: Trump’s Proposed Punishments For Women Seeking Abortions
Yesterday Trump said that if Roe v. Wade is overturned, women seeking abortions should face ‘some sort of punishment. ‘
Though he has since taken back this statement, it seems that in the interim he had time to draft a memo to his campaign manager about what those punishments should be. And we got our hands on that memo.
From: President of the United States Donald J Trump
To: Policy Advisor and Former Model UN Participant George Papadopoulos
Subject: Punishments for Women Seeking Abortion
No one will accuse me of being vague. I hate vague. Of course I had specific punishments in mind. Here they are:
- If they ‘re hot, they have to sleep with me.
- If they aren ‘t hot, we wait until they get their pre-pregnancy body back, then they have to sleep with me.
- If they ‘re still not hot, jail.
- They have to brush my hair.
- They have to have another baby, and they have to name it Trump. I ‘m talking first name. I ‘m talking boy or girl.
- No more pooping. It ‘s disgusting.
- Campaign manager Corey Lewandowski gets to throw ’em around a little.
- They don ‘t have to have sex with me, but they have to sit in my room all night, complimenting me until I fall asleep.
- They have to pay for their own execution.
- They have to leave a positive yelp review for a Trump hotel or resort every day until they are dead. No suicide allowed.
- Their wage gap will be 69 cents to the dollar.
- No more talking. It ‘s disgusting.
- They have to have another baby, and when the doctor hands it to them after delivery, the first words they say to their baby must be: ‘We ‘re making America great again. ‘
- Must dance for my amusement whenever my internet is down.
- 15 years hard labor (building the border wall).
- Have to tell people they ‘ve seen my dick and it ‘s huge. And they have to pronounce it ‘yuge. ‘
- They have to follow me around, giggling after every clever thing I say.
- No more thinking. It ‘s disgusting.
Let me know how great you think these ideas are by the end of the day.