We Have Hacked What These Dumb Americans Eat Every Day At Their Office

We present to your our findings:

It seems that once a month the office manager at the Funny Or Die office orders a dump truck assortment of snacks for the workers to eat and occasionally forget about and never eat. They enjoy this and according to long email chains, it appears they are very particular about what garbage snacks should be ordered. They argue that certain garbage snacks are better than other garbage snacks and that some make them work funnier.

This is not true for many reasons. All the garbage snacks make them unfunny. They become sleepy and have to pee more. This can only result in bathroom humor or bed-humor. So low brow. So insipid.

This is what they have ordered.

They eat all of this in one month. Usually less.

They are so stupid and think 0% yogurt will make their big bellies tiny and their weak arm muscles strong. They are wrong. Look at that candy they eat. It will slow them down. Also, no one except editor Nate Dern eats Cottage Cheese. That stuff is so gross. Who does he think he is?

We Have Improved Their Weak And Soft Food Order

They will only eat yellow bananas in either quantities of 1 bunch of 2 bunches. That is their only option. It will grow them strong and the fiber in their blood will please the Supreme Leader. That means the dumb Americans will be on the toilet the entire day and will not bother North Korea. Out of pity we still left one bucket of Cottage Cheese for editor Nate Dern. If this slop if truly what he finds enjoyable, even we cannot deny him it.

Funny Or Die should be shamed for their poor eating. We laugh at you. It is funny that your eating habits will cause you to die.