By: Madalyn Baldanzi

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It Sucks The U.S. Women’s Team Gets Less, But I’m Surprised Anyone Is Paid To Play Soccer

The U.S. Women ‘s National Soccer Team has filed an official complaint against U.S. Soccer stating that they are paid unfairly compared to the men. Last year Women ‘s soccer brought in $20 million more in revenue than the Men ‘s team, yet players on the women ‘s team are paid one-quarter as much. See below for an op-ed from a 52 year-old football fan who is not happy about it.

Op-Ed From A Meathead

Has America lost its mind? This morning I sat down with the newspaper, ready to enjoy my morning joe. I ‘m about to flip to the sports section for some football readin ‘, but there on the front cover I see a story about how the gals who play soccer for the USA want to get paid as much as the men.

What? Are you kidding me? People actually get paid to play soccer in America?

It never even occurred to me that people would get paid to play soccer to begin with. I mean, it ‘s a little dinky sport where you kick around a ball. You ‘re lucky if there ‘s three scores in the whole game. It ‘s allowed to end in a tie?!?! And people in America make their living doing this? Enough that they make a big stink about their paychecks? That ‘s shocking news.

I LOVE football (real football). And it makes sense to me why people get paid massive amounts of money to play it. It ‘s tough! And fun to watch! Same with basketball- they ‘re scoring multiple points a minute! Heck, it even makes sense to me that baseballers get paid. They play SO many games.

But soccer players? They jog and sometimes pass. That ‘s pretty much it. Shouldn ‘t the soccer players be honored they ‘re allowed to play at all? Like, they should be so happy that they don ‘t get teased off the field for playing a stupid-ass European sport for losers? Paying them on top of that seems excessive.

Can you imagine sitting down to do your taxes and writing “Professional Soccer Player ‘ on that form? I feel so sorry for these people.

You know, paying people to play soccer is a real slippery slope. What ‘s next? I have to pay my wife for power-walking around the block with Mrs. Jensen?

We ‘re sending the wrong message. I don ‘t want to raise my kids in a country where anyone makes a dime off of soccer. We have to shut these women down. And also take away the paychecks from the men. Because if we tell our children that you can make money on pansy-ass pastimes like soccer, they ‘re going to think they can grow up and play tag professionally. Wait a minute- that would actually be a way better sport to watch than soccer. Now if you ‘ll excuse me, I ‘ve got to go to the park to protest Kinder Kicks.

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