By: Ben Wietmarschen

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What Is The Best Sport?: Fifth Round Analysis

This is in reference to the Funny Or Die ‘What Is The Best Sport? ‘ bracket!


Reverse Slam Dunk Region

6 Bowling 30%

Headball Upper 90 Region

2 Hockey 46%

Bo Jackson Playing Baseball Region

1 Baseball 70%

Bo Jackson Playing Football Region

1 Football 54%

We ‘ve made it to the end. The big one. What it ‘s all about: The FINALS, baby! After this coming Thursday, humanity will know ‘now and forever ‘what the #BestSport in the world actually is.

After all the twists and turns, the trials and travails, the upsets and bupsets of the first 5 rounds of the #BestSport tournament, who do we end up with? Baseball and Football. This finals shows a few things about what it takes to be the #BestSport:

Teams dominate Individuals
Possibly because, for all the independent, pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps attitude America ‘and the sporting world in general ‘is quick to showcase, we all love working TOGETHER toward a common goal much more. Victories are sweeter, defeated is less bitter, and patting yourself on the butt after a good play is, oddly, more perverted and frowned upon than doing it to someone else.

Big Leagues dominate Rec Leagues
Despite Bowling ‘s magical run through this tournament, one of the major indicators of how well a sport would do was how popular the highest league in that sport is. The NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, etc. hold the lion ‘s share of sway in convincing us that their sport is best. Way more, apparently than the Zog Sports, Intramural committee, or that one friend who just likes organizing things that sets up a Memorial Day volleyball tournament. It turns out that the sports people play recreationally (bowling, kickball, Ultimate frisbee, etc.) can ‘t hold a candle to the ones played on TV.

A ‘Good Amount ‘ of Scoring dominates ‘A Lot ‘ or ‘A Little ‘ scoring
Admittedly, this is kind of an undefined designation, but in Basketball and Bowling there is constant scoring, often over 100 points scored, and in Soccer and Hockey there is very little scoring, often lower than 5 points scored. On the other hand, it looks like Football and Baseball are right in the sweet spot of a ‘good amount ‘ of point scoring, meaning around 8-40 points scored. So, if you ‘re looking to invent a sport, try to make sure the teams are scoring ONLY a ‘good amount ‘ of points if you want it to be popular.


Let ‘s take a moment to list a few sports I wish were still here and why.


I ‘ve never really learned the rules and it being around longer would have forced me to learn.


Fun to make fun of!


TRENDING UP: The Great Outdoors
It ‘s taken a while but we have finally settled the #BestSport side-debate of ‘Are sports better outside or inside? ‘ The answer is outside! The fresh cut grass, the warm sun on your bare sweaty jiggly arms, the fresh air! Beats cramming into a tiny loud steamy gym any day of the week. Other benefits of outdoor sports:
-No crippling claustrophobia!
-You can watch planes when the games boring!
-Smoking cigarettes!

Whether it ‘s a puck across freshly zamboni ‘d ice or a smooth 12 pound ball across waxed hardwood, #BestSport voters made it clear that we want our game implements thrown and caught not glided!


Baseball will beat Football
After a whole month of trying to be objective while watching sports battle for the #BestSport crown, I ‘ve decided to throw off my shroud of neutrality and declare myself a full-on fan of Baseball to beat Football. Baseball is a beautiful sport of both intricate strategy and explosive fun that has stood the test of time. Plus, it ‘s only a matter of time before Football is over.

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