21 Guesses About Who Merrick Garland Is Based On His Name

Who is Merrick Garland? The name sounds familiar, but I can ‘t remember.
Here are my best guesses:

• 1. Merrick Garland is the owner of a Wonder Emporium
• 2. Merrick Garland is a man wearing a fancy hat and monocle on a safari
• 3. Merrick Garland is a reclusive toymaker
• 4. Merrick Garland is the real name of rapper 2 Chainz

• 5. Merrick Garland is currently seven shots back at the Masters
• 6. Merrick Garland is an ill-conceived Christmas-themed Batman villain
• 7. Merrick Garland is a hapless craftsman unknowingly aided by nocturnal elves

• 8. Merrick Garland is Benedict Cumberbatch ‘s “Sasha Fierce ‘
• 9. Merrick Garland is a Donald Trump campaign staffer who was captured on video repeatedly beating journalists with one of those giant American Gladiators q-tips
• 10. Merrick Garland is the Elephant Man
• 11. Merrick Garland is Banksy

• 12. Merrick Garland is Cap ‘n Crunch
• 13. Merrick Garland funded the construction of Jurassic Park
• 14. Merrick Garland is that woman from Watchmen and some other stuff
• 15. Merrick Garland is the warmest and most comfortable type of sweater
• 16. Merrick Garland is a 24-year-old European DJ we ‘re paying 80 bucks to see play his iPod tonight at Hakkasan

• 17. Merrick Garland is a hobbit who started with the Fellowship but then chased a butterfly all the way back to the Shire
• 18. Merrick Garland is a notable figure in many medical texts for having survived a harpoon lodged directly through his ears
• 19. Merrick Garland has been a back-up NFL quarterback for 23 years
• 20. Merrick Garland is the best magician we could afford, but it says here that he trained under Copperfield
• 21. Merrick Garland, better known as the Route 17 Killer, killed at least 15 prostitutes in the late seventies