High Article #9: It Is 4/20 & I Turn Thirty in Two Days So Here Are My Thoughts

It ‘s 4/20 but it ‘s also two days from my thirtieth birthday. I thought I take a moment and reflect on how I feel. First of all, turning thirty looms large for whatever reason. Actually now that I think about the prospect of turning thirty is what finally made me start doing therapy. I like therapy but I don ‘t know if it makes me feel any better about turning thirty. There ‘s a sense of finality that I ‘ve never really felt before ‘like this is a BIG birthday. Does that make sense?

Actually, now that I think of it, that ‘s not true. I remember getting really scared when I turned ten. I ‘ve always been this way. Dang.

But there is an encroaching sentiment that the best years of my life are behind me ‘the years of discovery and adventure gently yielding to a more settled existence, a time when I can enjoy the comforts of home and family.

But at the same time, George H.W. Bush sky dove at age eighty so truly anything is possible and age is just a number. George H.W. Bush kinda sucked but he was still better than his son.

Anyway.

I worry that I haven ‘t accomplished enough with my life personally or professionally. Like, should I own more chairs? Also, there have been times in the past year when I haven ‘t fully been able to afford deodorant. I don ‘t know how that ‘s gonna feel once I turn thirty.

In no way does that mean I am discounting the things that are beautiful and special and sweet about this wonderful world. I cherish many moments and consider it to be a blessed and wonderful life.

But at the same time those things are passing and futile and finite. Everything shall turn to dust and nothingness eventually, including me.

I just got a haircut in the office. First of all, how cool is it that I got a free bombass haircut at work today? And second of all, I ‘m gonna be honest: it looks really good.

When I first heard I could get a free haircut, my first thought was: “I wanna get a really short one. ‘ Yet something held me back from asking for a short one. And that speaks to some part of myself I don ‘t really like. It ‘s some self-limiting monster that dwells deep inside me, in a place I ‘ve never been able to reach. It ‘s something that I should have expunged by now. The thing that keeps from stepping into the glorious beauty of being myself, and loving that self I am.

1. 20. 30. All are numbers. Only two are about today, and the other one is about two days from now when it will be my birthday. And I feel like that ‘s the lesson here. The lesson is I ‘m going to be thirty in two days.

God Bless America.