Full Agenda For Queen Elizabeth’s 90th Birthday Celebration

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21, 2016

8:00 a.m.
Wake up, girlfriend ‘you ‘re 90!
Pancakes & mimosas in bed

9:00 a.m.
Prank Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, by toilet-papering his bedchamber

9:30 a.m.
Quick bath

10:30 a.m.
Deadlift 200 pounds in palace gym

11:00 a.m.
Officiate paintball tournament between Queen ‘s Guard and Yeoman Warders

12:00 p.m.
Try on a bunch of fun hats
(Like a chef ‘s hat, an old-timey pilot ‘s hat, Red Sox hat, fedora, Kangol)

1:00 p.m.
Corgi fight in south garden

2:00 p.m.
Treacle-drinking contest

3:00 p.m.
Dress up like a commoner, sneak past the palace gates, fall in love with a chimney sweep, and then carry on a passionate, forbidden affair until your class differences become unbearable and tear you apart

4:30 p.m.
Sherry, sherry, and more sherry

5:00 p.m.
Punch David Cameron in the face just cuz

5:10 p.m.
Go to Harrod ‘s with Princess Anne and try on a bunch of prom dresses

6:00 p.m.
Mani/Pedi

7:30 p.m.
Dinner at Hard Rock Caf ‘

9:00 p.m.
Chill bar hang at the Cask & Glass pub with a bunch of good pals

1:30 a.m.
Steal a horse

3:00 a.m.
Pass out on the couch watching old episodes of Fraiser