Greetings, sleuths. My name is Fitzwilliam S. Fudrucker and I ‘m a Facebook detective. I scour the ‘book for hints and clues to solve the mysteries raised by the vague, unspecific posts of your friends, family, and barely tolerated acquaintances.
Today you ‘ve been enlisted by ME and my colleagues Scotland ‘Internet ‘ Yard to solve some of the top head-scratchers of Zuckerberg ‘s domain. Care to take a crack and see if you ‘re a Sherlock ‘Internet ‘ Holmes or a Susan ‘Internet ‘ Grafton? I ‘ll be puffing my pipe and sipping on hot yummy tea while you sort through this jolly mess. Good luck, and be careful!
Someone you met at a networking event posted a picture from a pristine beach. Do you take this to mean:
Joan and Andy, a couple you know from high school who went ‘all the way ‘ (got married) just posted a picture ‘In May…we ‘re going to be three. ‘ Is the third party they are referring to:
A friend from an improv class just posted the words ‘I got the part! ‘ What is the part?
Ah–a classic mystery. A friend posted a selfie from Kings County hospital with the caption, ‘Better now but still not out of the woods. ‘ Here are your clues:
This friend posted a picture of themselves finishing a half-marathon the weekend prior
This friend has a minor shellfish allergy
The name of this friend ‘s childhood rabbit was Casserole
Why is your friend in the hospital?
Three different friends have posted ‘Congrats! ‘ on your burnout cousin Tevin ‘s wall. The friends are from totally different arenas of Tevin ‘s life:
My fellow Americans, I, Hillary Clinton, am so gratified by the flood of support I received this week as I announced that I am running for president in 2016. I cannot wait to serve the American people in the Oval Office. I’m also pregnant.
From the album It’s OK to Do Stuff, songs that didn’t make it into Free To Be You and Me, now just $3.99 on iTunes http://awe.sm/oAsAI Also available on Google Play, Amazon and Rooftop Comedy. Proceeds benefit St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital With apologies to Marlo Thomas Performed by James Urbaniak, Andy Richter, Samantha Bee, Wyatt Cenac, Aaron Bleyaert Lyrics by Rob Kutner & Joel Levinson Music by Joel Levinson Illustrations by Bob Fingerman Animation by Mack Williams & Vatche Arabian Video produced by Stephen Levinson (c) 2012 Rob Kutner and The Levinson Brothers Rob Kutner http://twitter.com/apocalypsehow Levinson Brothers http://twitter.com/Levinsonbros St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital http://twitter.com/stjude