By: Jenny Nelson

TEXTperience: Stephanie Forgot What She Did Last Night

Jenny Nelson, Sophie Adams, Funny Or Die May 24, 2016

“Hey it ‘s Steph! I had a great time at Michelle ‘s birthday last night ‘ I think! Did I come across like a total idiot? ‘

BEGIN

Your Responses

You and him talked about ‘jersey/concussion correlation in college football’ for a real long time. Thought it was weird since I’ve never heard you mention it before.
You kept bringing up the flushing mechanism in your toilet, how it was broken but got fixed, but now the bowl never fills completely and how fucked you think that is.
I heard you bragging to him in the kitchen ‘something about how your libido has been back up ever since your therapist took you off the SSRI?

Oh you’re right. Good point.
What does that even mean? It sounds like you just made that up.
No way, he’s not a monster!
You know he did. That dude’s a monster!

This is the same B.S. you were saying to Ethan last night.
Oh, yeah? Where’d you read about it?
Which one? You showed us so many.
You know that Michelle and Ethan are dating, right?
How do you know?

How do you know?
Obviously not. She asked you to leave her party as soon as the words football/toilets came out of your mouth.
Oh right! I saw you talking to Brown Haired Jared – he runs Football-and-toilets.com!
Yeah, you know she’s a freak!
The Shop-N-Save????

See, you didn’t embarass yourself! Except for the whole thing with michelles slice of b-day cake. But I wouldn’t lose sleep over that!
By that point, I was too ashamed of you to check in.
I think I saw you go out in the woods behind Michelle’s parents’ house’s back deck.
Oh, and then you and Ethan kissed on the lips? Nice! Not embarassing. You didn’t embarass yourself at that party last night! For once in your life.

I know. You died of natural, woods-related causes (think: trees). Not embarassing, just sorta sad. Actually, a little embarassing.

play again?

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Filter Free and Fabulous Ep 3: Chelsea Piers & Juice Cleanse

Bartelsworth Productions December 15, 2014October 1, 2021

Hosts John & Shelby start a juice cleanse and spend their day checking out all that Chelsea Piers has to offer.

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Message From Dead Celebrities Of 2015: “Okay, Let ‘s Not Go Overboard About 2016. Last Year Sucked, Too”

Alex Pearson, Funny Or Die December 31, 2016

“Next time, we ‘ll remember to die in a year an insane person is elected president.”

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Goldilocks

Tyler Richardson's Imagination August 15, 2016

Next Monday 8/22/16 my comedy mixtape Strawberry Cough is dropping on this website, as well as various places mixtapes are available. It will be free, and featuring many up-and-coming comedians from New York City. Most have been on television, but hopefully you will find some new talent to follow and one day say “I remember hearing them on that mixtape.” A couple of months ago I released the first animated sketch from the mixtape: Google’s House of Tomorrow. But, today I’m happy to give you Goldilocks from Strawberry Cough. This new telling of an old classic features Christi Chiello (@christichiello) as Goldilocks. Petey DeAbreu (@Pdeezjokes), Ayanna Dookie (@ADookie), and Courtney Fearrington (@BigCcomedy) play the three bears fans. And, a little narration from your’s truly. Enjoy, and next week will be the big unveiling!

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Cheyenne at the Semi-Pro Premiere

Cheyenne February 29, 2008

The receptionist at Funny or Die interviews Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson and more on the red carpet.

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Supreme Court Legalizes Gay Marriage And Now Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Can Finally Get Married!

Kady Ruth Ashcraft, News!, Funny Or Die June 29, 2015October 8, 2021

The Hollywood power couple promised to not wed in this country as long as same-sex couples were barred from doing so. Well, there is a new reign over this nation and we can now see Jolie and Pitt join in the most holiest of unions.

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Bikie Wars

Aunty Donna February 15, 2015

The Aunty Donna boys, Broden, Mark and Zach, are interrupted by a local Bikie Gang.

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