By: Jenny Nelson

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TEXTperience: Stephanie Forgot What She Did Last Night

Jenny Nelson, Sophie Adams, Funny Or Die May 24, 2016

“Hey it ‘s Steph! I had a great time at Michelle ‘s birthday last night ‘ I think! Did I come across like a total idiot? ‘

BEGIN

Your Responses

You and him talked about ‘jersey/concussion correlation in college football’ for a real long time. Thought it was weird since I’ve never heard you mention it before.
You kept bringing up the flushing mechanism in your toilet, how it was broken but got fixed, but now the bowl never fills completely and how fucked you think that is.
I heard you bragging to him in the kitchen ‘something about how your libido has been back up ever since your therapist took you off the SSRI?

Oh you’re right. Good point.
What does that even mean? It sounds like you just made that up.
No way, he’s not a monster!
You know he did. That dude’s a monster!

This is the same B.S. you were saying to Ethan last night.
Oh, yeah? Where’d you read about it?
Which one? You showed us so many.
You know that Michelle and Ethan are dating, right?
How do you know?

How do you know?
Obviously not. She asked you to leave her party as soon as the words football/toilets came out of your mouth.
Oh right! I saw you talking to Brown Haired Jared – he runs Football-and-toilets.com!
Yeah, you know she’s a freak!
The Shop-N-Save????

See, you didn’t embarass yourself! Except for the whole thing with michelles slice of b-day cake. But I wouldn’t lose sleep over that!
By that point, I was too ashamed of you to check in.
I think I saw you go out in the woods behind Michelle’s parents’ house’s back deck.
Oh, and then you and Ethan kissed on the lips? Nice! Not embarassing. You didn’t embarass yourself at that party last night! For once in your life.

I know. You died of natural, woods-related causes (think: trees). Not embarassing, just sorta sad. Actually, a little embarassing.

play again?

Do You Guys Want To Look At These Puppies Or Do You Want Talk About “What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?”

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Do You Guys Want To Look At These Puppies Or Do You Want Talk About “What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?”

Dan Abramson, Funny Or Die January 30, 2015September 30, 2021

To clarify, we ‘re talking about puppies and the answer to the question “What time does Super Bowl XLIX start?”

Marv Conner – Washington, DC

Community FOD_Family Front Page No Video Regular Source: WP All Import Stand Up

Marv Conner – Washington, DC

Road 2 Oddball April 24, 2014

Road 2 Oddball – Washington, DC submission from Marv Conner

STUNT DOUBLE: THE MOVIE

Community Fails Front Page No Video Parody & Satire Regular Sketch Source: WP All Import UGC

STUNT DOUBLE: THE MOVIE

cheapsmokescomedy January 31, 2013

every action hero…needs a stunt double!

Apocalypse No

Bad Shorts Community Front Page Regular Source: WP All Import UGC

Apocalypse No

Lucky Birds Media November 12, 2014

High Priest Mortron tries to boost the morale of his apocalyptic death cult. UPDATE: Apocalypse No has been nominated for a Writers Guild Award in the category of Short Form New Media! Check out http://www.luckybirdsmedia.com/wga for the official press release!

This Adele Parody About Being Stuck Inside Is So Cathartic

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This Adele Parody About Being Stuck Inside Is So Cathartic

Sloane Hughes April 1, 2020

HELLO FROM THE INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE

Chimera’s Gettin’ a Pizza

Animals Being Awesome Clean Comedy Community Front Page Music Regular RevShareICP Sketch Source: WP All Import

Chimera’s Gettin’ a Pizza

The Zach and The Jess, David Kantrowitz, Zach Reino, Jessica McKenna April 15, 2014

Cartoon!