By: Ben Wietmarschen
It ‘s been a long road to the NBA Finals for MVP Steph Curry. Few people know the dramatic twists and turns he has endured in the last seven weeks but we at Funny Or Die have the inside scoop. Below is a timeline of Curry ‘s path from the beginning of the Playoffs to the NBA Finals.
The Day After The Last Game Of The Regular Season
Curry emptied his “candy pockets ‘ (the custom-sewed pockets in all of his gym shorts that are filled with candy he periodically snacks on throughout the regular season).
‘No sweets till we sweep! ‘ Curry sang as his wife Ayesha rolled her eyes and held the garbage can open for him to dump out literally 5 pounds of sweet tarts.
While Taking the floor For Game 1
During his customary pregame handshakes, Steph accidentally kicked over the Dr Pepper of a court side seat holder. The Dr. Pepper spilled EVERYWHERE. Curry was so embarrassed he ran into the locker room and it took 3 hours of cajoling from Coach Steve Kerr to get him back out into the arena, tail between his legs, so the game could start. Little did he know, this wasn ‘t the last time Dr. Pepper would knock him off his pedestal.
Game 4 vs. Houston
After not cleaning the spilled Dr Pepper off his shoes from Game 1, a bunch of dust and grime built up and Curry slipped and injured his knee in Game 4.
Curry and the Warriors took Dr Pepper to court and after an accelerated full jury trial, which the Golden State Warriors lost to the evil Dr. Pepper corp., and after getting counter-sued, the Warriors had to re-use last year ‘s t-shirt giveaway to recoup the expenses. Here ‘s hoping Bay Area fans really like the t-shirt logo ‘Strength In Numbers ‘ because they ‘ll be wearing it for 12-15 more seasons.
During his time off for injury
Narrowed down his Mother ‘s Day gift choices to a top 5:
- Flowers (but not boring ones)(Petunias?)
- Pink mouthpiece
- MORE Warriors shirts
- Coupon for foot rub
- More time with her grand babies (She says that ‘s all she wants!)
Curry returns and Warriors take 3-1 lead over Trailblazers in Overtime
After ‘Dr. Pepper-gate, ‘ Curry returned to the lineup and hit a big three-pointer in overtime exclaiming ‘I ‘m back! I ‘m back! ‘ over and over again. What cameras didn ‘t pick up was after he said ‘I ‘m back! ‘ a few times, he continued with ‘ ‘and I ‘m gonna take down the Dr. Pepper empire if it ‘s the last thing I do. That sticky sweet cola treat needs to take a seat! ‘ ‘ And then Curry went on to fully endorse Mr. Pibb, free of charge, as his soft drink of choice, potentially bankrupting the evil Dr. Pepper corp.
Witnessing Draymond Green ‘s Kicking OKC’s Steven Adam ‘s In The Dick And Nuts
Curry had the following reactions, in order:
- Yelling ‘Oooooooooh!”
- Whispering ‘Yo. Was that his nuts?”
- Confirming ‘Yep, got him in the dick and nuts.”
- Judging Draymond saying, ‘S ‘cold Dray. S ‘cold as ice.”
- Watching replays, clutched his own dick and nuts and barfed all over the place.
- Decides to stop watching replays and drop 31 points on OKC in do-or-die game 4.
Immediately Before game 1 of NBA Finals
As he walked out onto the court, Curry asked Kevin Love, ‘Which series is this? Second to last or third to last? ‘ and when Love responded ‘This is the NBA Finals. ‘
Curry got sad. The season was almost over and he wanted to play more.
Finals Game 2: Curry ‘celebrated” Draymond Green ‘s hot shooting from the bench
In fact, Curry was not celebrating, he had long since stopped paying attention to the game and was doing a funny dance to get noticed on the Jumbo-tron. It worked.
The night before Game 5
Twas the night before a 2016 NBA Finals elimination game when all through the Curry house, not a creature was stirring, not even Harrison Barnes who was still there well after dinner was over because he isn ‘t good with boundaries.
The day after Game 5
After one whole night and an NBA Finals Game 6 loss separated from Draymond Green, Curry and Green reunite at the airport before getting on the plane to Cleveland in the morning. A wordless hug is shared and then Draymond takes Curry ‘s hand and leads him into the closest Hudson News. “Pick anything,” Green tells Curry with a sneaky grin, ‘my treat. ‘ Curry ‘s eyes widen for the fist time since last night’s loss.
No one knows what Game 6 will bring but, at least for the moment, everything ‘s gonna be just fine…