By: Madalyn Baldanzi
Leaked Emails Reveal The Elaborately Planned Beyonc ‘ Sneeze
At a New York City concert on Wednesday night, Beyonc ‘ surprised the audience by letting out a sneeze. Fans all over the internet watched the clip over and over-delighted by the fact that Beyonc ‘s perfectly polished facade cracked for a bodily function. Since then, a rare email leak from Beyonc ‘ and her team show how the legendary sneeze came about.
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: manager@beyonce.com
Subject: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Hi Team-
Formation Tour is going great, but the Queen and I were talking and we need to do something really special in NYC. Something big. Any brilliant ideas?
-Steve
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: choreographer2@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Here’s just a few ideas we were brainstorming in the crystal lounge:
- Longer Prince tribute
- Giraffe on stage (been done before?)
- Bey parachutes in from a blimp with her face on it while holding bald eagle
- She and Jay-Z renew their vows
- Break world record for most drag queens break dancing
- Cover every surface in sparkles, including audience
- More, bigger explosions
- Barack Obama dances to Single Ladies
-Kyle
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: manager@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Yawn! This is Beyonce, people! We need something revolutionary!
To: choreographer2@beyonce.com, choreographer4@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com From: bey@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Dear Team,
What if I sneezed?
Sincerely,
Beyonce Knowles
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: costumedesigner1@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
OMG. Brilliant.
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: choreographer2@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
YAAAS! Amazing!
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: manager@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
This is going to revolutionize concerts. Ok, how do we make this happen? Remember, it has to be the greatest sneeze of all time. #GSOAT
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: choreographer2@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Biggest question: Will she or won ‘t she cover her mouth?
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: costumedesigner1@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Obviously covered. The real questions is, does she cover it with her hand, or in her arm? If arm, I need to design new sleeved outfit ‘.
To: choreographer2@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: choreographer4@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Hand says it was more off the cuff, but it ‘s also less sanitary. Arm feels way more current to me ‘
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: manager@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Manager: We ‘ll go with arm. That ‘s settled.
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: choreographer2@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Will she do a pause-turn-sneeze-smile or a faster, louder ACHOO with a downward motion into the arm? Let ‘s decide this ASAP. I want to make sure we have ample rehearsal time. Don ‘t want another Ellen Show fiasco when I swear the audience could almost tell we had choreographed Beyonce ‘s laugh and also breathing.
To: choreographer2@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: choreographer4@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
When should this happen? Before the Prince tribute?
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com CC: bey@beyonce.com
From: choreographer2@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Goddamit Ellenore, stop trying to upstage my Prince choreography! I spent three years working on that, and he finally actually died. You know Beyonce and I practice five hours a day for potential future celebrity tributes.
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com From: costumedesigner1@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Guys, taking Bey off this CC. If the audience doesn ‘t say God Bless You, will she be offended? #disaster
To: choreographer4@beyonce.com, choreographer2@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com From: manager@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Already thought of it. We ‘ll pipe in a realistic audience response through Bey ‘s ear piece, so even if they don ‘t, she ‘ll think they did. Sent it to a sound designer ten minutes ago.
To: choreographer2@beyonce.com, choreographer4@beyonce.com, costumedesigner1@beyonce.com, manager@beyonce.com From: bey@beyonce.com
Subject: Re: TOP SECRET- Mind Blowing Concert Surprise
Dear Team,
I am excited to try this big sneeze tonight. Thank you for all the hard work. Now please excuse me as I have to begin my pre-show ritual and oil all my bionic joints.
Sincerely,
Beyonce Knowles
