How Trump Plans To Make The Most Of His Tiny Campaign Budget

Reports came out this week that Donald Trump ‘s presidential campaign only has about $1.3 million on hand, while his presumed opponent for the White House, Hillary Clinton, has about $41 million. Some experts believe that Trump doesn ‘t have enough funding to stay competitive, but Trump ‘s bare-bones race has been surprisingly effective. Here ‘s how he plans to spend the rest of his reserves ‘

$50,000 – New wife for when Melania breaks

$12,000 – T-Shirts for ladies that say “Trump ‘ right over the boobs

$11,000 – Big dirt pen so he can trot Ivanka around like a horse at convention

$102,000 – Black and white TV Ads that show people in turbans while scary music plays

$600 – Escape the Room tickets (to keep Chris Christie happy)

$200,000 – Pending Litigation (setting up a scam school, campaign officials assaulting reporters, demolishing that orphanage by mistake, etc.)

$750 – Obama effigies

$90,000 – Phone banks where people call up voters and say scary stuff in Mexican accents

$114 – Extra large sling shot to launch handguns into crowds at rallies

$400 – Raw shrimp (for Trump)

$89 – Live rats (for my Trump ‘s sons)

$833,047 – Think Tank for hip, new racial slurs (emphasis on Muslim ones)