By: Jason Flowers
27 Goodest Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week #40

This week ‘s tweets come straight from the home office in Sioux City, Iowa.
Look, Lebron is cold. But the greatest of all time is still David Letterman.
‘ John Reynolds (@JohnReynoldss) June 20, 2016
Hey @icecube are you okay? Worried you may have melted today, thought I'd check
‘ Allan McLeod (@allanmcleod) June 21, 2016
People definitely hang up on Oprah all the time.
“Hi this is Oprah!”
“Yeah, ok, this is Garfield fuck off”.‘ Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) June 19, 2016
I like to imagine all that blood in The Shining patiently waiting to get on the elevator on a different floor.
‘ Jesse Case (@jessecase) June 21, 2016
After careful, objective, qualitative analysis, I have finally concluded that the GREATEST TV SHOW OF ALL TIME is… pic.twitter.com/urSIMhS1p0
‘ Harrison Martin (@Harry_Martin_) June 22, 2016
Imagine the effort it took this dolphin to propose, then the woman he loves does this in front of him? Just awful. pic.twitter.com/RboPJgybvM
‘ Probably Injured (@PeterClayton6) January 8, 2014
Just got my Ticketmaster voucher. Anyone want to see Puddle of Mudd in Fallujah?
‘ Brandon (@UNDEADTRESOR) June 22, 2016
the internet pic.twitter.com/cdo4KwqBuI
‘ Joanna Rothkopf (@joannarothkopf) June 21, 2016
Coconut La Croix is for ppl too cowardly to drink suntan lotion
‘ Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 24, 2016
Since Ariel was 16 when she became human do you think she got her period immediately?
Boss: I meant any questions about the presentation.
‘ The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 22, 2016
I can never remember the word for salad sauce
‘ Hecate's Tecate (@sarahlindish) June 15, 2016
Clark Kent: *removes glasses*
Prom King: wow I never realized how beautiful you are
‘ spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) June 24, 2016
Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse.
‘ Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 10, 2016
If you had late fees Blockbuster refused to rent you anything.
It was harder to watch Hook than it is for a suspected terrorist to buy a gun‘ R ‘b Fee (@robfee) June 21, 2016
When you want a tabloid, but are also 90 years old. pic.twitter.com/f4wROfiHJv
‘ Jane Coaston (@cjane87) June 18, 2016
Bet her baby aint crawling into a Gorilla pit pic.twitter.com/YKhvv4Iyps
‘ Moe Alayan (@MoeAlayan) June 6, 2016
No song gets to the point like “Everybody Dance Now.” A lady screams “Everybody dance now” at you right at the beginning.
‘ Daniel Ralston (@danielralston) June 23, 2016
The mall is great because sometimes I want to go to the airport without flying anywhere
‘ Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) June 18, 2016
My sexual preference is “ugh I'll just do it myself”
‘ Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) June 23, 2016
WIFE: Your life as a YouTube star is tearing us apart
ME: What makes you say that? Let me know in the comments
‘ the hippo account (@InternetHippo) June 18, 2016
Yea, I have a beach body. Big, wavy and teeming with crabs
‘ Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 22, 2016
if u die in a jet ski accident u get to be a ghost on a jet ski, so not that bad
‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) June 21, 2016
Date: It's getting late, I should go.
Me: *opening freezer* Are you sure I can't convince you to stay? pic.twitter.com/RWPeNCwar0‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) June 24, 2016
If you have a friend named brendon and you don't call them friendon you are part of the problem
‘ miel (@miel) June 19, 2016
This movie seems darker than I expected pic.twitter.com/2SWJylPnla
‘ Becky Isotobe (@BuckyIsotope) June 17, 2016
A more interesting matchup for the nba finals would have been the Goo Goo Dolls vs Matchbox 20
‘ Conner O'Malley (@conner_omalley) June 20, 2016
hm want thai food for some reason pic.twitter.com/xIATm8Vfux
‘ SAREEN (@sareeny) June 20, 2016