By: Dru Johnston
Dear Paul Feig: Please Don ‘t Make An All-Female ‘Ballers’
Dear Mr. Feig,
After your success on the new Ghostbusters movie I ‘m sure you can do anything you want, but please, Mr. Feig, I beg of you: Do not make an all female reboot of the HBO show Ballers. I know it ‘s super tempting and that audiences are really clamoring for it, I ‘m sure you ‘re being BARRAGED by people telling you: ‘You know what you should make? Ballers but with girls. ‘ I know everyone thinks it ‘s a great idea. But watching the season two premiere last night I realized that Ballers is all I have now. Mr. Feig, you ‘ve already ruined my childhood once, don ‘t ruin it again with an all female reboot of Ballers.
I remember the first time I ever saw Ballers. It was the summer of 2015, I was in my parent ‘s basement and instantly was like: ‘This show is VERY watchable. ‘ When I was a child in my teens I had Ghostbusters, and when I was a child in my early 30 ‘s I had Ballers. But now that Ghostbusters is ruined for me (no I haven ‘t seen it but I assume) all my good memories are Ballers related, and a reboot or even an addition to the Ballers cinematic universe (like calling it Ballers 2016 or something) would taint and pollute my memories of the show.
Plus, just between me and you, I don ‘t think an all female reboot of Ballers would be that good. I know that in this PC world of 2016 saying something like that might be ‘shocking ‘ and ‘controversial ‘ but I am going to stand by it. I ‘ll bravely put my neck out and loudly proclaim: ‘An all female Ballers would not be a good tv show. ‘
Just think about it, remember in the pilot of Ballers when they ‘re in the club and there ‘s this amazing scene where Ricky is fucking a woman in the bathroom and then he punches out a dude and then the Rock is like ‘whoa whoa whoa ‘ and he starts calling Ricky ‘s agent and is like ‘We gotta fix this! ‘ and then we smash cut to a topless woman with huge tits riding the agent and screaming: ‘Who ‘s gonna win the LPGA? Who ‘s gonna win the LPGA? ‘ Remember that scene? I just don ‘t think it would be a good tv scene if the genders were reversed.
And look, Ballers is not Ballers unless it has The Rock in it. I ‘m gonna put my foot down about that. And, no, that doesn ‘t mean it ‘s ok to just give The Rock a small cameo as a fun little wink to the REAL fans of the ORIGINAL! That ‘s just PANDERING. I don ‘t want to see some woman say ‘Oh who is that topless, naked hot piece of meat that our buddy is doing coke off of ‘ and then we see her doing blow off of Rob Cordry ‘s naked ass. That ‘s not the Ballers I grew up with.
And while we ‘re at it, why would HBO even NEED an all female Ballers? That channel already has VEEP, a show about a FEMALE vice president?! Why aren ‘t there more TV shows about male vice presidents, huh? And that show Girls? If you make an all female Ballers I think it ‘s only appropriate you make an all male Girls.
Thank you Mr. Feig for your time.
Dru Johnston, Ballers Super Fan