By: Alex Pearson
A Very Humble Person’s Half-Marathon Training Plan For Conversations
A successful half marathon requires a good training program. A good training program requires a daily mileage plan and, more importantly, a schedule of how much you should be talking about it.
Week 1
Monday: 3-5 announcements to friends that you ‘ve decided to run a half marathon
Tuesday: 10x co-worker repeats that you ‘re training for a half marathon.
Wednesday: 1-2 stranger approaches at goal attractiveness about half marathon
Thursday: 1 social media post or email equivalent re: half marathon
Friday: 45-minute long talk, choice between attire or diet for a half marathon
Saturday: Casual complaints about soreness. Target topic of conversation rate: 80% half marathon.
Sunday: Recruitment brunch, 1 to 3 friends. Full meal or until exhaustion (theirs).
Week 2
Monday: Facebook share, short running article.
Tuesday: Verbal summaries of short running article (5X).
Wednesday: Parking lot intervals. 3 x 20 minute conversation per ‘13.1 ‘ bumper sticker.
Thursday: 5-10 excuses, half-marathon training. Medium to high-priority obligations.
Friday: Rest day. (Optional: Forward half-marathon registration confirmation e-mail repeats)
Saturday: 10 blister unveilings, bar.
Sunday: 10 blister unveilings, restaurant/neighborhood barbecue.
Week 3
Monday: Facebook share, long running article. Introduce caption training.
Tuesday: 10-15 GPS watch demonstrations.
Wednesday: 50-minute long-talk. Running barefoot.
Thursday: Candid diarrhea confessions. Cubicle.
Friday: Candid diarrhea confessions. Break room.
Saturday: Self-congratulation repeats. Moderate pace.
Sunday: Easy blog posts.
Week 4
Monday: Slow limps. Until inquiry.
Tuesday: Nipple-chafing rants. Private.
Wednesday: Nipple-chafing rants. Public.
Thursday: Weather segues to half-marathon training. Gradual.
Friday: Weather segues to half-marathon training. Immediate.
Saturday: Vlog attempts.
Sunday: 10 tweets x 3 retweets.
Week 5
Monday: Dog story. 15-20 minutes
Tuesday: Group bar invasion. Full body odor.
Wednesday: Public stretching. 30 minutes.
Thursday: Public foam rolling. Add groans.
Friday: Mile counts. Anyone in vicinity.
Saturday: Neighbor reminder pass-bys.
Sunday: Neighbor reminder stop-and-talks.
Week 6 – race week!
Monday: Profile photo update day. Exposed thigh increases.
Tuesday: Carbo-loading announcements.
Wednesday: Co-worker cornering drills. All departments.
Thursday: Carbo-loading announcement repeats.
Friday: Half-marathon reminders. Infinite.
Saturday: Race! (to Facebook to show off medal)
Sunday: Cool-down. Bumper sticker ceremony. Gentle complaints about that show-off who did a full marathon.
Start your training off right now by bragging about your upcoming race plans in the comment section!
