By: Kellyann Minardi

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Things I Learned Since Moving To LA From The Good Ole Midwest

  1. My Goodwill wardrobe really ain ‘t cutting it out here.
  2. Neither is my face.
  3. Or body in general.
  4. 90% of LA drivers think I deserve to be flipped the bird. (I do.)
  5. Everyone smokes medical marijuana.(even my dealer.)
  6. Celebrities are just like any regular person back home! (in that they, too, just want me to fuck off.)
  7. Smog testing is a thing. (that I still have to Google.)
  8. There are more salad chains out here than fast food chains.
  9. Coconut water is more abundant than tap water.
  10. Milk can be purchased in many genres. (soy, almond, breast, lactaid, organic)
  11. Kale has more followers than Jesus and Kim Kardashian combined.
  12. Tried kale to try to understand the hype and determined it ‘s basically just aggressive spinach.
  13. Apparently every side dish doesn ‘t have to be deep fried and covered in cheese? (and if it is,it ‘s organic, free-range, unprocessed, vegan, & triple filtered through the hands of God.)
  14. Basically, you have to try REALLY hard to be unhealthy in LA. (but I ‘m still managing.)
  15. All the waiters are hot.
  16. All the Uber drivers are hot.
  17. Everyone is hot and deserves to be more than just an extra on Law& Order, damn it.
  18. Even out here they STILL haven ‘t kaught up with the Kardashians.
  19. It ‘s easier to be poor in Ohio. (the other night I spent a month ‘s rent on a margarita.)
  20. In-N-Out is over rated. (Please don ‘t hurt me.)
  21. Gas can be over a dollar difference at 2 separate gas stations on the same block. (and I will always pick the wrong one)
  22. I still can ‘t tan. (But I ‘m hoping this excessive sunlight will connect my freckles into one massive conglomerate of pseudo-tan. Fingers crossed!)
  23. My Tinder options are solely hot brooding head shots. (I ‘m okay with it.)
  24. I think my Tinder is broken ’cause I get like half as many matches as I did in Chicago/Ohio. (no, no, I ‘m certain it ‘s broken, I haven ‘t updated it in a while. Shhh ‘just let me have this.)

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